critize me..

[pmtswife]

Okay so this was my morning yesterday and I had to let loose on a site I'm an admin to. This is made me look unprofessional both with work and the site didn't it??? Here is what I wrote....out of anger as you may be able to tell:



yes you read right! I not one time in life EVER felt the need to tell someone how to raise their kid/s. Hopefully you all understand me....because I may get ahead of myself. So here's the story:

I've been on the phone with a BRAND new Business partner, in which I enrolled 3 hours ago. I was able to give 2 presentations for her on the stop right?. SO I'm so freakin' excited for her. I do the presentations and they both enroll. She then proceeds to go to their houses to wrap up the agreements. Goes home and calls me back on how to call the paper work in. I walk her through it. While on the phone doing this process, her daughter walks in the room. All I hear, clear as day mind you, is her daughter say, "*itch get off the phone, I'm waiting for a call from my bf". My jaw dropped. The daughter proceeds with, "did you hear what the *uck I said, *itch?!". I'm sitting on the phone waiting for the stupid mom to knock the *hit out of her, and the mother ONLY responded by saying, "Amanda, I'm sending a fax really quick and I'll let you know when I'm done." The daughter then yells, "if you don't get of the *uckin' phone I'm gonna kick your *ss *itch!!!!!!!!" I was in totall disbelief and could no longer hold my composure. I told this woman, okay I yelled at this woman, "why do you allow her to speak to you this way?!" I can NOT beleive that you would allow some little punk *ass girl treat you this way!!!!!!!!!!". I went so far as to telling her how she should raise her kid, and how disrespectful this kid is, and If I EVER meet her, I am going to beat the living *hit out her myself!"

I know I'm surprising a whole lot of you by cursing....but my blood is boiling, my heart is racing 200 MPH, my head is killing me, and I have a major knot on my back from being so *uckin pissed!!!!!!!!!!

I went off on the mom, and told her that when she calls me, I do NOT want the daughter to be there. I told her, "i'm giving you 2 options, 1) you call me w/out your daughters presence or 2) She is there and I hang up on you!!!"

I can NOT beleive that a mother would tolerate such behavior from a minor. God forbid my kids ever EVER speak to me this way.......I will be sitting in a cell!!!!!!! Mark my words they better NEVER EVER eeven think of being so disrespectful..........I so want to say more.......OMGH!!!!!!!!! I just can't seem to understand the foolish of this mother!!!!!

[TheNoNamedOne]

That sounds aweful. I think you were in the right for your reply to her. Geesh.

[Muku]

Just out of curiosity do you happen to know how old the daughter was?

I use the word "was" for a reason, if any kid of mine talked to me like that or any kids of any friends of mine did the same, there would be a funeral very shortly afterwards.

[TheNoNamedOne]

I wonder if a mother who has so low self-esteem as this to let her daughter speak to her that way, has in fact already had her self esteem dropped to zero due to an abusive husband, either verbally, psychologically, or physically.

I would think that that would pave the way for such a case -- or make it possible.

[pmtswife]

This young girl is 14. What's bad, is that I can't seem to find it in my heart to say I'm sorry to the mom for being so outspoken.

I don't know the backgroung of these people, but I'm sure the mom would probably say it in the drop of a hat. There were soo many excuses as to why this girl was speaking to her mom that way. One, of many excuses was because if she hit her daughter, she'd go to jail. Now that I can understand....kinda. I would prefer to sit in a cell, then to ever allow one of my kids to speak to me this way. I always make sure that they clearly under that.

[TheNoNamedOne]

That is what the DrPhilization of society does to us, I guess in some ways.

[Muku]

This young girl is 14. What's bad, is that I can't seem to find it in my heart to say I'm sorry to the mom for being so outspoken.

I don't know the backgroung of these people, but I'm sure the mom would probably say it in the drop of a hat. There were soo many excuses as to why this girl was speaking to her mom that way. One, of many excuses was because if she hit her daughter, she'd go to jail. Now that I can understand....kinda. I would prefer to sit in a cell, then to ever allow one of my kids to speak to me this way. I always make sure that they clearly under that.
I dont think you need to apologize for anything. There is no reason for accepting that kind of attitude and behavior from a child. Or you having to listen to it either. Do you really want to work with her as well knowing what you do now?

I'll bet the problem goes back many years, and the parents were one of these types that let their kids do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. The parents are responsible for their spawn, and in this case I have a feeling that it's too late to change things, unless Mom really want to get drastic.

[socalheart]

Hey now, I like Dr. Phil's show. :D

Personally, I wouldn't have yelled at the woman. I would have used my stern scolding voice though. Good gawd almighty! The only times I've seen that behaviour in a teenager toward a parent was 1) in a step-parent relationship or 2) when the wife is being beaten by the husband. The child is spoiled rotten. You know what they do when something is spoiled rotten, don't you? They throw it out.

[TheNoNamedOne]

Hey now, I like Dr. Phil's show. :D

lol.

I used to, but not anymore. He is more into putting down his guests than counceling. Very judgmental of them in a way that panders to his audience.

Man, but a Dr. Phyl thread would be good to have and point out his voodoo counceling.

Personally, I wouldn't have yelled at the woman. I would have used my stern scolding voice though.

Do scolding stern voices have an affect on the phone?


Good gawd almighty! The only times I've seen that behaviour in a teenager toward a parent was 1) in a step-parent relationship or 2) when the wife is being beaten by the husband.

Yes, that is one I mentioned above. Sad to think about it. Sad to think about physical abuse and crushing one's spirit and esteem.

I wonder if that lady felt deeply embarrassed or was so used to it that she accepted it as the norm. Man... ticks me off just thinking about it.

[P_chan]

Seems like the kid wasn't spanked enough as a child.

The mother needs to grow a backbone and put the kid in check. I would be embarrassed as hell if my child talked to me like that, especially in front of people.

[Fonze]

my dad would "spank" us till we were about 14 for saying "your'e DUMB" or "thats stupid and we said we were going to call the police. guess what he called them for us and when we told them what happened they said listen to your parents and be good kids then proceeded to shake his hand and left.

[TheNoNamedOne]

The mother needs to grow a backbone and put the kid in check.

If the mother is being abused and has zero self-esteem, then how can you say she needs to do this? That is the point about abuse that destroys someone psychologically -- they CAN'T do what we think seems to be the obvious solution.

Now, if it is just a matter of being a bad parent by spoiling the child, then yes, a backbone would be quite helpful.

[P_chan]

Thats the thing, she should have never let her child abuse her in the first place.

[Fonze]

What are the child spanking policies here anyways?.

[socalheart]

Do scolding stern voices have an affect on the phone?
It has worked for my mother for thirty plus years. She says that she's never yelled at me. heh.

Sad to think about physical abuse and crushing one's spirit and esteem.
We've had a few employees who have been abused by their husbands or boyfriends. Those women require a very particular approach. They are easily intimidated and can cry at any moment. Sometimes, I think, "stupid is as stupid does." Then I kick myself for not understanding. It is sad.

That's just the thing though. It's hard to understand the type of sadness, unless you've been through it yourself. Most of us on this forum are more or less stable and in more than a few cases very strong-minded. heh. It's easy to say to punish the teen/child, because most of us wouldn't let our teenager or child get that disrespectful. For me, that's just what it is, disrespect. I believe that you have to respect yourself to teach others to respect you. It also works with the whole love thing.

Anyhow, yelling at a mother who allows her teen to speak to, nay yell at her in such a disrespectful way may not be swayed by a friend, coworker or even stranger to discourage such behaviour. There is a point when she quietly accepted it. Hopefully, there will be a point that she no longer accepts it. She may be embarrassed and make excuses, but she has learned to let it pass over or through her.

[Bones]

Upon hearing this type of discussion in the background, I simply would have hung up the phone. Later on, I would send an e-mail (if possible) to the applicant, requesting that she resubmit the fax again, since there apparently was a problem with the original transmission, and setting up another appointment at my office within the next few days.

Once the applicant comes in for his/her interview, I would broach the subject of the background noise, offering to provide counseling services to resolve his/her problem.

Doing it this way leaves the door open both ways. One, it let's them know that I might still be interested in their job skills. Two, it let's them know that I am aware of the problem, and I'm willing to help if possible.

Also, it prevents me from looking foolish by going off on a lengthy diatribe.

Case closed. :)

[TheNoNamedOne]

There is a point when she quietly accepted it. Hopefully, there will be a point that she no longer accepts it. She may be embarrassed and make excuses, but she has learned to let it pass over or through her.

@underline:

This is what I think many do not understand when one has been crushed through verbal abuse. A person is just broken. We wouldn't say to someone with two broken legs to walk to the store and get their groceries without giving them some kind of help to let them do the task.

Why should a person's self esteem be any different? If it is broken, saying to just grow a backbone or get strict without help and intervention is just like telling a person to do something on broken legs. In most cases, it is not that they may not want to, or don't recognize the problem -- it is that they cannot emotionally deal with it in a way to follow through to achieve the task facing them.

[pmtswife]

Okay, so i'm probably going to give more info then need be. So I spoke to this woman again. Honestly, I think she may be a little bi-polar and has not been diagnosed. She mentioned something about her husband (soon to be ex) would get her pregnant, drug her up, and force her body to be rid of the fetus. She said he's done this over a hundred times a year. She said that she has a feeling all kinds of people are drugging her up. She now has a b/f, that "controls" what happens to her...so that he can take her of her when she needs it. Is all this sounding a little strange.....because dude!!! she's freakin me out.....well not really...but it is strange.

[TheNoNamedOne]

Sounds sad. Just as I thought. Her daughter's disrespect stems from a horribly abusive relationship. If you care enough, try to arrange for some kind of intervention. In all probability, the husband/boyfriend has already been successful in alienating her from her parents and siblings and past friends.

Probably all alone.

[pmtswife]

LOL!! Geeze thanks! Make me feel bad...why don't you?! LOL!!!! :D

[TheNoNamedOne]

LOL!! Geeze thanks! Make me feel bad...why don't you?! LOL!!!! :D

I'm scared the husband and boyfriend might beat me up.

Besides, you already have made initial contact with her and she has opened up to you. Maybe her opening up to you was a way of asking for help without verbalizing it.

[pmtswife]

yeah i know...but honestly...when someone has bi-polar you really can't continue to ask...becuase it can worsen. Boy can she talk your ear off. Anway, I'm going to speak with one of the pyschs abroad the base and see how I can go about this. She needs lots of help! Hoepfully she doesn't think I'm againist her. She mentioned something about her mom putting chemicals in the water to make her sick as well.

[TheNoNamedOne]

Is she a U.S. citizen on base/off base in Mainland, or is she Japanese?

[pmtswife]

She is a citizen of the US and resides in CA.

[CGoki]

[/I]

Can I criticize your spelling? :-|

[Muku]

Can I criticize your spelling? :-|
Only if you are the woman that is being discussed here.:dead:

You just have to be, I mean hell it is your first post here on this forum right.

[pmtswife]

You can criticize my spelling if you'd like. i take no offence it. I just can't spell... no biggie!

[CGoki]

Only if you are the woman that is being discussed here.:dead:

You just have to be, I mean hell it is your first post here on this forum right.


No I'm not either, didn't even read all of the thread, I seen the topic title and the person said to "critize me". So I asked if it was OK to criticize their spelling since it was right there for the taking. :thumbup:

I guess sarcasm is hard to portray on a message board.

[pmtswife]

lol! HAHA!! That was great! yeah....ahhh there was no emotion there to see that you were messing around. It's cool!

[CGoki]

Yeah I tried finding a smiley with zero emotion to make people think and the blank stare one was perfect.:first: