man's point of view.

[pmtswife]

Okay so this topic has come up in another forum. SO I thought I'd get other views on this one as well. It also has become a HUGE debate. SO here we go! Love the new smiley's BTW


Can a woman be a GREAT mom, and still have a GREAT career?

[dk]

I think so. But I'm sure there's a balance. I think it's hard for any workaholic to be a good mom/dad.

[atb35]

Of course, as long as she has a Great Man too! lol, seriously, I dont think being a parent and being a good employee/owner have anything to do with each other. There is no reason a parent couldnt balance children and job time, and as long as you love and care for your children, you would be a great parent.

[pmtswife]

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard that working moms....get about 3% of their with their children. Can that be right?
IMO; I truly don't think a woman should work. That is what the men are for! Then again, she needs to have the home cleaned, dinner made, and all that good stuff, before he gets home. LOL! I know I am so anti-femnist.

Sheesh I can't type today!

[Asshat]

For some parents, a day care does a better job of parenting than the parents do.

From a simplistic viewpoint, being away from the children does mean one does a less effective job at parenting.

But the definition of "good mother" first has to be discovered.

[atb35]

IMO, if you raise your children with love and compassion, preparing them to become an adult, your a good parent. Sending them to daycare doesnt detract from that, as long as you spend the time you do have with them well.

[socalheart]

I think so. My mom did a decent job of both. My aunt also did okay juggling both. Personally, I don't know that I'd want to do it. I have a hard enough time keeping the house clean while working.

[DougP]

Yes she can! My mother did

[pmtswife]

See, I see it as missing some very percious moments. LIke perhaps your babe's first steps.

[Boost]

IMO; I truly don't think a woman should work. That is what the men are for! Then again, she needs to have the home cleaned, dinner made, and all that good stuff, before he gets home. LOL! I know I am so anti-femnist.


LoL-That's ok pmtswife, I don't think old school values like that are bad. I think it is a trade off though. Kind of an either or. I think you can be a working mom and still be a good parent. I am not a big fan of daycares and such, but that is just my paranoia because of all the stories about molestation by other people. I just feel better knowing my kids are at home with mom rather than some stranger that could possibly be doing something I would have to kill them for. :)

But I do think if you are a stay at home mom or even dads for that matter, the duties of keeping up the house are part of that. I know it's a little bit of laziness on my part, but when I get up for work at 5:30 in the morning and don't get home till almost 5 that evening, I just really don't feel like doing house work. And coming home to a messy house doesn't make the day much better either. Though I would gladly change places and be a stay at home dad and take on those duties as well!

[dk]

Though I would gladly change places and be a stay at home dad and take on those duties as well!
That's exactly what I've been saying lately. :crying:

I'd much rather hang out with my daughter all day than sit in an office.

[Tempestuous]

Yeah it definitely has it's perks & is rewarding- to be able to be there when they do or say this cute thing, to be able to volunteer in their classroom, sit on the sidelines and cheer them on at every game, to sit and read to them, or when they think of you and bring you back a piece of chocolate you love.....in their pocket *smile*, when they choose their second pick of ice cream for their birthday cause they know you like that flavor better than their first pick. When they finger paint a Mother's Day sign for you, so you have something tangible to show they recognize all that you pour into them.

But it can also be very wearing.
Especially on days where the kids do nothing but bicker with each other over the stupidest of offenses.
Or when your kid tells you 'you are a bad Mom/Dad' or fusses after every direction.

[Tempestuous]

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard that working moms....get about 3% of their with their children. Can that be right?
IMO; I truly don't think a woman should work. That is what the men are for! Then again, she needs to have the home cleaned, dinner made, and all that good stuff, before he gets home. LOL! I know I am so anti-femnist.

Sheesh I can't type today!

I don't know the percentages, but most working Mom's I know, work and then come home and take on primary care taker the moment they walk in the door. They work full time then come home, help children with homework, cook dinner, clean house, take children to lessons/sports/other extra circular activities, bath children, get them into jammies, & tucked in, etc.
So they don't have the 'perks' working men with stay at home wives do, a good portion of the time when there is a working Mom, the Dad is working too.

Personally, I think Mothering is a full time job with 16hrs of overtime every day! with no vacation time, no time off, no sick days, no promotions, no thanks or recognition.....unless you or your kid does something wrong- then you get recognized-:ohmy: NOT the kind you would hope for though *smile*.

I think there are some people that can successfully have a career and successfully parent their children, but I don't know that I could be one.

I worry too much!
I worry that no one cares as much as I do and that no one pays as much attention to detail as I do, and if they are being required to follow the rules, are the caretakers being too mean, etc.
Like no one (Dad, Grandparents, Uncle, Aunt, adult friends, no one that interacted with him) noticing your kid has a FLAMING eye infection when it is the FIRST thing you notice when you walk through the door Seriously his eyeball was this color >:cursing: (guess I should "get over it", it was a yr ago.:))

Don't feel bad about your "anti-feminist" thoughts- others share the same practice. Our children even know what time they have to have their stuff picked up around the house by.

[pmtswife]

Thanks Tempt. You hit every nail on the head! It's already so much "work" to be at home 36 hrs in day, and then to have a "second"job. I was a district manager for PX stores for a few years, and I missed out on so much. During the weekdays I saw my kids all but 20 minutes. On the weekends, if I didn't work, I was exhausted and couldn't find it in me to have Family time. Plus, I was trying to catch up on buying food, cleaning, paying bills, sleeping, and so on. I think the sitter was spending about 95% of her time with MY kids. All in all guilt took over, I ended up with cancer, and realized....hummm My kids need me and I need them. Is money more important then my children? I outweighed the options and opt not to never leave my kids again. Mind you there wasn't much to weigh, after all, I didn't even know what time they took naps. It just wasn't fair to them. Here I am. at home!

[atb35]

What youll are describing is a workaholic mother with a lazy husband. Its all about balance. If you work a normal job, which still can be successful, and have help from your husband, there is no reason why you should miss out on much, if anything.
Does it really matter if you see your child take the VERY first step? They dont go from crawling to walking perfectly in that first step or two. My daughter started walking a month before I got back from school, I dont feel I missed anything. She still fell on her butt, still wobbled around trying to figure out her balance. Same with talking, I dont feel I missed that much. I dont see how them being at daycare for 8-10 hours a day would cause you to miss much.

If a parent wanted to be with their kids, they will find a way. I have been in schools, deployed, and duty so many times it is crazy, but I found time to spend with my kids and I dont feel I missed anything. They love me more then anything in the world and think Im the best dad that exists. There is no reason a working mother cant do the same thing.

[pmtswife]

lol..when hubby deploys what other options do you have? Lazy husband not at all, but serving his country, yes he was. It does matter to a mom if she misses those small things. A mother's bond is different then a bond between daddy and child. I know that may sound bad, but it truly is. It is in our nature to feel the need to be around our kids, to not miss those very tiny, but long lasting moments.

[Tempestuous]

lol..when hubby deploys what other options do you have? Lazy husband not at all, but serving his country, yes he was. It does matter to a mom if she misses those small things. A mother's bond is different then a bond between daddy and child. I know that may sound bad, but it truly is. It is in our nature to feel the need to be around our kids, to not miss those very tiny, but long lasting moments.

I was thinking the same thing....Mom's & Dad's take on totally different 'roles' for a lack of a better word.
Let me see a Dad pull out his boob and lactate for their newborn....unless you are Arnold in Junior I don't see it happening. :) There is genetic coding or something that makes a Mom & a Dad different to provide the balanced input and nurturing a child takes.

Typically a Mom that works has that desire to still be "Mom" and do what she can to care/nurture/and provide for her kids. There is still the ideal that she can come home and be MOM.

My Mom raised me by herself for many yrs, obviously she had to work & she came home and did the Mom role after putting in the 9-5 and even after she remarried- she continued to work, I survived just fine. And I am not going to put down any working Mother. However, we are afforded the ability for me to stay home and/or work part time from home and we take full advantage of that opportunity.

[Fairlady]

I personally think that a person can be a great mom and have a good career, but it depends on what that career is. I think that if the career is one of those things that is an all day type of career where you are never home and constantly away on buisness trips and such may make it difficult for a mom to be what she thinks is a sufficient mom.

I also think that it is not the amount of time that you spend with your children it is the quality of the time that you are spending with your children.
but that is just my opinion

[TheNoNamedOne]

Can a woman be a GREAT mom, and still have a GREAT career?

I sure think they can.

But Dr. Laura would scream otherwise.

[ryukyuboi]

Is the Pope Catholic?

[Just VP]

I like the idea of my kids being raised in my home vice by a day care provider. I know in some households the mother and father have to work, there's no getting around it, but if one parent can stay home I think it's worth it. You have to do without a lot of extras but it's worth it.