View Full Version : In Japan, cases of abandoned families can be ‘extreme’
DoctorP
07-13-2008, 01:06 AM
Nonpayment may put the brakes on servicemembers’ careers
By Allison Batdorff, Stars and Stripes
Pacific edition, Sunday, July 13, 2008
YOKOSUKA NAVAL BASE, Japan — One sailor abandoned his family at Tokyo’s Narita airport. He collected the boarding passes for his wife and children before the gate and assured them he’d "be right back." Two hours later, they realized he was gone, opting to change duty stations without them.
Another sailor told his wife he was going to sea, and she didn’t hear from him for three years. When her military identification expired and she started asking questions, she learned her husband had already served a complete stateside tour, and was re-stationed in Japan where he lived without her.
Then there’s the naval officer whose wife returned to Japan to visit her family. He wrote her a letter, telling her to send him her military identification card and stay in Japan. He’d ship her stuff to her — sayonara, sweetheart.
While abandonment occurs everywhere, overseas abandonment cases in Japan "tend to be more extreme," Navy attorneys said.
Read the full story here: http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=56118
I can't even believe that some people would do stuff like this!
OtisPMerriweather
07-13-2008, 02:13 AM
Heh..I can. Why take her to the States where divorce can cost you much much more?
In the words of Chris Rock:
"You got twenty million and your wife wants ten, big deal, you ain't starvin'! But if you got thirty thousand, and your wife wants fifteen, you might have to kill her!"
Tanimaga
07-13-2008, 02:34 AM
Left his wife and children at the airport? That's pretty cold.
socalheart
07-13-2008, 03:54 AM
Simply put, some people are cowards.
"This isn’t just about the abandoned spouse; it’s about international diplomacy," he said. "Every time an American leaves a family in Japan, it impacts the community."
I don't understand what this guy bases this on. He's making an international incident out of a private relationship problem. The man has abandoned his spouse or family, not killed them. Perhaps we've become desensitized to abandonment and divorce in general recently regardless of location, because it's commonplace. I just don't believe it's such a great impact on Japan as the man says. :rolleyes:
Bones
07-13-2008, 07:46 PM
As posted by socal:
I don't understand what this guy bases this on. He's making an international incident out of a private relationship problem. The man has abandoned his spouse or family, not killed them. Perhaps we've become desensitized to abandonment and divorce in general recently regardless of location, because it's commonplace. I just don't believe it's such a great impact on Japan as the man says.
Try to think of it this way, while it may not have much of an impact on Japan in one case, if there are a lot of these type of incidents that occur over here then it could indeed impact Japan. If the couple had been married for a few years, and the husband abandoned his family she may want to move back in with her Japanese family. But now she has one or two kids, and her local family can not afford to house her and the kids, so she has to apply for welfare.
Getting married to a local national is hard enough, but if they start seeing an increase of military members abandoning their families over here, that will just make it harder for the next person to marry the girl of his dreams. It's already expensive as heck, and the extra time and money spent may not prevent abandonment cases in the future, depending on the amount of money the person makes.
One of the things that I would like to see happen in cases like this, if a military member is found guilty of willful abandonment of his family, he gets a DD, and his wages get garnished for life to support the family that he has abandoned. I'd like to see that happen in the states as well, within the civilian community.
A DD, may sound harsh, but getting married assumes that you are responsible enough to take care of your family. If there are problems, there are variety of programs available free of charge, to help you overcome them.
Running away, to me implies that this type of person is not responsible enough to take care of their home life. And if they can't do that, they are not in any way qualified to handle the responsibilities of the jobs entrusted to them.
Mean Old Man:old:
badkitty
07-13-2008, 07:53 PM
DAMN that is soooo wrong... Why bother getting married and/or having kids to begin with??? How do people like that sleep at night when they knowingly abandon kids??????
P_chan
07-13-2008, 07:55 PM
DAMN that is soooo wrong... Why bother getting married and/or having kids to begin with??? How do people like that sleep at night when they knowingly abandon kids??????
I wouldn't really consider those people to be human. It's sad once people don't take the time to think about marriage seriously before they take the leap. If they did then they are less likely to get married on a whim and end up messing up their life, as well as the lives of their family once they leave them.
Old Timer
07-13-2008, 09:07 PM
Sailors :D.......says it all............
Old Timer
07-13-2008, 09:17 PM
I wouldn't really consider those people to be human. It's sad once people don't take the time to think about marriage seriously before they take the leap. If they did then they are less likely to get married on a whim and end up messing up their life, as well as the lives of their family once they leave them.
Sailors .......says it all............:rolleyes:
CaptainMcLusty
07-13-2008, 10:44 PM
Cold Blooded!!!
tank03
07-13-2008, 10:57 PM
I remember around November my buddy was going out with this Japanese girl who worked at one of the popular bars. He got her pregnant, and jumped ship by telling her "I'm leaving Okinawa for the next duty station, and I will send money" pretty much. He was still on island and just avoided that place like the plague, meanwhile she was flipping out trying to get people that came to the bar to give her information about him...but they never did. She ended up getting an abortion, and the next two times I saw her she just wasn't herself. She quit working at the bar and I haven't seen or heard about her since Feb.
I also have seen on military.com's forum there's a section for talking to old friends you were stationed with. There was some woman who posted numerous threads looking for a specific guy, trying to find out where he's stationed so he can pay child support for their 6 yr old. Sadly the only replies she got was "that's what you get for hanging around the port," "I think he's in space," and dumb stuff like that.
SGT_OKINAWA
07-14-2008, 06:18 AM
1. Wow, I am surprised so many people think there is NOT service members like this in the world? Not just USA, but many nations service members are like this, they are just people and people do bad things.
2. Women that frequent these places, know for a fact they are risking meeting the wrong guy, my odds put it at 1 in 3 is going to turn out to be nice.
3. If "He" is paired up with a "gold digger" he may be CORRECT in leaving them, some women are worse then guys.
4. Maybe she was a mean person and evil sadistic satin worshiper and beat "him" each night knowing the military would slam HIM if he said anything.
This article does not address all the avenues of approach to this topic. However it does sell newspapers when it reads in big bold print, "HE LEFT HER AT THE AIR PORT" Don't judge a book by its cover, understand we are not the jury, judge or family of these people.
5. Yes many of these service members are monsters for doing something like this, but I am glad that out of this terrible pot of evil doings SOME couples meet, greet, marry and die together happily married for 50 years.
SO no need to turn off the flame under the pot of love just because a few people get burned.
Good luck to anyone looking for a REAL relationship, and hopes and prayers that NEITHER ONE OF THEM ARE MONSTERS.
Peace!:army:
P_chan
07-14-2008, 06:49 AM
3. If "He" is paired up with a "gold digger" he may be CORRECT in leaving them, some women are worse then guys.
I understand what you're trying to say but these are bullshit excuses. Even if she is a gold digger you've now got kids with this woman and it's your responsibility to take care of those kids. Running away and making up excuses for it is what a coward would do.
SGT_OKINAWA
07-16-2008, 04:25 AM
I understand what you're trying to say but these are bullshit excuses. Even if she is a gold digger you've now got kids with this woman and it's your responsibility to take care of those kids. Running away and making up excuses for it is what a coward would do.
I did not say leave the kids, (sorry i should have said so.) I was talking about leaving her (a BAD relationship.)
- - Husband was arrested after wife shot herself over credit card debt - -
I don't want to see anyone in a bad marriage, sometimes getting away from a abusive spouse is hard and EXTREME.
Just asking:
Why does everyone blame the dad (He's a coward) if he leaves an abusive wife, but cries when a wife leaves an abusive husband?
Funny is it not? Hum. [?]
Take care, and peace! :army:
I remember around November my buddy was going out with this Japanese girl who worked at one of the popular bars. He got her pregnant, and jumped ship by telling her "I'm leaving Okinawa for the next duty station, and I will send money" pretty much. He was still on island and just avoided that place like the plague, meanwhile she was flipping out trying to get people that came to the bar to give her information about him...but they never did. She ended up getting an abortion, and the next two times I saw her she just wasn't herself. She quit working at the bar and I haven't seen or heard about her since Feb.
I also have seen on military.com's forum there's a section for talking to old friends you were stationed with. There was some woman who posted numerous threads looking for a specific guy, trying to find out where he's stationed so he can pay child support for their 6 yr old. Sadly the only replies she got was "that's what you get for hanging around the port," "I think he's in space," and dumb stuff like that.
Tank this happens quite a bit here, I personally know of quite a few women that this has happened to. I dont think it is going to change much either as long as the military is stationed here in Okinawa.
Oh and on a side note here, I also know of a few guys that are living here in Japan that are gold diggers as well. While the percentage of women one's may be higher there are guys that do the same dam thing too!
cellophane
08-30-2008, 03:22 PM
I don't think the military being stationed in Okinawa leads to local women having casual sex, getting pregnant, and having abortions. It's a problem that happens regardless of a military presence or not.
hankypanky
08-30-2008, 03:42 PM
I don't think the military being stationed in Okinawa leads to local women having casual sex, getting pregnant, and having abortions. It's a problem that happens regardless of a military presence or not.
yeah but a local guy gets a girl pregnant and runs off will eventually be found, oki isnt that big. where running off to the states is like the sea.
I don't think the military being stationed in Okinawa leads to local women having casual sex, getting pregnant, and having abortions. It's a problem that happens regardless of a military presence or not.
Great way to justify the actions huh:thumbdown: might as well keep your head buried in the sand.
Just like all the fathers that abandon their kids in the US and any other country in the world, there is always someone that will find a way to assuage their conscience by coming up with a "reason" to make themselves feel better.
Abandoning kids and families anywhere is wrong in my opinion, no matter who the person is or where they are from.
yeah but a local guy gets a girl pregnant and runs off will eventually be found, oki isnt that big. where running off to the states is like the sea.
How true, and many of the guys here play on the naivety of the girls to get into their pants.
Plus the majority of fathers that run off like they do never have to support the kids they left behind.
Just like all the fathers that abandon their kids in the US and any other country in the world, there is always someone that will find a way to assuage their conscience by coming up with a "reason" to make themselves feel better.
Abandoning kids and families anywhere is wrong in my opinion, no matter who the person is or where they are from.
I think there's more of a risk of my wife abandoning me and taking the daughter with her. She could easily get on a plane to Osaka with the very little money we have, and that'd be the last I'd see of her if that's what she wanted.
Shoot, that's pretty much what she does every time she gets pissed off at me, but on a large scale.
Am I alone on that? I am feeling a little abandoned at the moment, and it's really pissing me the **** off...
I think there's more of a risk of my wife abandoning me and taking the daughter with her. She could easily get on a plane to Osaka with the very little money we have, and that'd be the last I'd see of her if that's what she wanted.
Shoot, that's pretty much what she does every time she gets pissed off at me, but on a large scale.
Am I alone on that? I am feeling a little abandoned at the moment, and it's really pissing me the **** off...
Get PR dk.
Edited to add....
Or at least stop pissing her off .:-| Otherwise you are pretty much tied to her whims until you do. Personally if my wife had done something like that to me I think I would have walked out the door myself.
Then get down to immigration and file for a visa change that allows you to stay in country to continue supporting your underage child.
Public relations?
Cute, real cute......I am sure you know but for those that dont PR is Permanent Residency, or the Japanese equivalent of a "Green Card":smile4:
hankypanky
08-30-2008, 04:13 PM
I think there's more of a risk of my wife abandoning me and taking the daughter with her. She could easily get on a plane to Osaka with the very little money we have, and that'd be the last I'd see of her if that's what she wanted.
Shoot, that's pretty much what she does every time she gets pissed off at me, but on a large scale.
Am I alone on that? I am feeling a little abandoned at the moment, and it's really pissing me the **** off...
Do ya need a hug right now dk, maybe ill just come over and hold your hand for a few minutes, would that cheer ya up.
but seriously, some of these girls just cant take their kids and go home, dad would say, told ya so, take care of it on your own. seen it many times.
No, seriously, what do you mean by PR? lol...
Do ya need a hug right now dk, maybe ill just come over and hold your hand for a few minutes, would that cheer ya up.
Not a big deal. Just a bad two-week stretch. Would drink myself into oblivion, but that'd only piss her off more. So, I'll just let her ditch me all day, and her attitude better be gone by the time she walks in the door tonight.
but seriously, some of these girls just cant take their kids and go home, dad would say, told ya so, take care of it on your own. seen it many times.
I can imagine.
No, seriously, what do you mean by PR? lol...
Sorry about the white type in my previous post, I'll go back and change it.
hankypanky
08-30-2008, 04:18 PM
Yes, drinking is the answer. drink until you make yourself happy. it might take awhile, but it always happens.:D
Get PR dk.
Edited to add....
Or at least stop pissing her off .:-| Otherwise you are pretty much tied to her whims until you do. Personally if my wife had done something like that to me I think I would have walked out the door myself.
Then get down to immigration and file for a visa change that allows you to stay in country to continue supporting your underage child.
If my wife ditches me, I am moving back to the states. I don't love this island enough to keep busting my ass for low wages or companies with no future or benefits. The reason I do put up with this shit (not JU, other companies and situations) is because I love my family. Unlike you guys, I think I'm about nearly out of love for this place. Maybe that'll change when my situation changes. Who knows.
Cute, real cute......I am sure you know but for those that dont PR is Permanent Residency, or the Japanese equivalent of a "Green Card":smile4:
I already have permanent residence. I just doubt I want to stay permanently.
but seriously, some of these girls just cant take their kids and go home, dad would say, told ya so, take care of it on your own. seen it many times.
Some can't you are quite right, yet here in Okinawa there are plenty of families that will, moreso than in mainland I would be willing to bet.
hankypanky
08-30-2008, 04:21 PM
if my wife ever ditched me, id stay here and open a whore house and make buttloads of money. i know how gullable half the guys are on this island, would make a killing. remember, men are missing a sparerib.:D
I already have permanent residence. I just doubt I want to stay permanently.
Well then you dont have to worry about her walking really.
She's from mainland Japan. In some ways, I think I'd be happier living in mainland Japan. I'm not saying I'd like to completely get out of Japan. I left Ohio to get out of the country, and it seems like I never actually got out of the country. I'm still in the boondocks.
Wife wants to go to Hawaii, and so do I. If I can't get something there, I'd like to go to the west coast, and I'm sure she'd be fine there as well. She gets island fever as badly as I do sometimes.
hankypanky
08-30-2008, 04:28 PM
only problem is if my old lady left me, she knows ALOT of people on the rock, so would have a problem hiring good girls. have to result in hiring some girls with less than desirable looks and a third eye.:smile4:
cellophane
08-30-2008, 09:05 PM
Great way to justify the actions huh:thumbdown: might as well keep your head buried in the sand.
Just like all the fathers that abandon their kids in the US and any other country in the world, there is always someone that will find a way to assuage their conscience by coming up with a "reason" to make themselves feel better.
Abandoning kids and families anywhere is wrong in my opinion, no matter who the person is or where they are from.
You either misread or misunderstood. My response in no way mentions fathers or abandoning children. A man does not become a father if a woman has an abortion. And if it makes a man "feel better" because a woman has an abortion- well that's up to that individual. You mentioned in your post where you responded to the poster that mentioned his buddy had made a girl pregnant and she had an abortion that this is a problem you associate with the military on Okinawa. My point when a woman gets an abortion it is not based on the occupation of the guy who got her pregnant.At least I wouldn't think so- I could be wrong.
I don't need to bury my head in the sand. If a woman chooses to abort that is her choice that she has to live with and I don't think they guy who she tried to trap is responsible.
Bones
08-30-2008, 09:39 PM
As posted by cellophane:
I don't need to bury my head in the sand. If a woman chooses to abort that is her choice that she has to live with and I don't think they guy who she tried to trap is responsible.
Great response, Nimrod.
But if you do get trapped, it makes it ok to for her to abandon your child?
Hey Sparky, you've got some growing up to do.
You either misread or misunderstood. My response in no way mentions fathers or abandoning children. A man does not become a father if a woman has an abortion. And if it makes a man "feel better" because a woman has an abortion- well that's up to that individual. You mentioned in your post where you responded to the poster that mentioned his buddy had made a girl pregnant and she had an abortion that this is a problem you associate with the military on Okinawa. My point when a woman gets an abortion it is not based on the occupation of the guy who got her pregnant.At least I wouldn't think so- I could be wrong.
I was all set to say thanks to you for clarifying what you wrote previously with this reply. It explains yourself well and it appears that I may have misunderstood your previous post. That is until I read the following....
I don't need to bury my head in the sand. If a woman chooses to abort that is her choice that she has to live with and I don't think they guy who she tried to trap is responsible
This is so wrong on so many different levels that in my opinion I think maybe it would be best for you to put your head back in the sand.:rolleyes:
cellophane
08-31-2008, 04:32 PM
well you tell me what can a guy do if a woman goes off and has an abortion. Maybe the laws in Okinawa are different but back in the states a woman has the only say. I mean if you think differently that is entirely okay but there is no need to call me names. You can't be pro choice and have it both ways anyway.
Again Bones...what child are you talking about abandoning here? There is no child in my scenario. I take the blame for making a reply in the wrong thread I guess because you are the second one to imply that there is a child in this situation. And do yyou even know who Nimord was? yeah...go google it and cut and paste your response. sheesh.
well you tell me what can a guy do if a woman goes off and has an abortion. Maybe the laws in Okinawa are different but back in the states a woman has the only say. I mean if you think differently that is entirely okay but there is no need to call me names. You can't be pro choice and have it both ways anyway.
I never called you any names btw, I just think that you have your head buried in the sand to make the assumption that all women......
I don't think they guy who she tried to trap is responsible
Oh and here it is the choice of the woman on whether or not to have an abortion.
Personally I am pro-choice, and the topic here is about abandoning families not abortion.:D
Bones
08-31-2008, 08:18 PM
As posted by cellophane:
I don't think they guy who she tried to trap is responsible
And Muku, responds with this:
Oh and here it is the choice of the woman on whether or not to have an abortion.
Personally I am pro-choice, and the topic here is about abandoning families not abortion.
In my feeble old mind, what cell is implying that if he has sex with a girl, if she gets pregnant, it's her own fault. And she is using that excuse to trap him into marrying her.
Last I remember, it takes two people to get pregnant. Is she trying to trap someone? Or did the birth control devices used, simply not work as advertised?
If the woman runs away and has an abortion, it's probably due to one of two things:
1. Something went wrong. She's pregnant, and the father wants nothing to do with the child, and her family won't help her financially to raise the child.
2. She's a hooker, and she does this all of the time.
On the other hand, if a man wants to have sex with a woman, and she gets pregnant why is it all her fault? She couldn't have done it without you. You wanted to have sex as much as her, so why do you not feel the need to share the responsibilities?
And for those people who think that you should be able to get married, have a happy life, PCS, without your family.....
Those people should lose everything. I want the families left behind to have recourse. The person leaving the family behind knowingly, should be tracked down, and be held responsible for all of the charges incurred tracking him/her down. This includes, funds expended by those left behind for accommodations, their cost of living during that time, any legal fees incurred while pursuing the scumbag in question.
Get a divorce if you don't get along.
But if you think that you can just take off, you've got another thing coming.
I use the term "you" generically. Not aimed at anyone in particular.
In a perfect world , that would happen tomorrow. Alas.:rolleyes:
Bones
P.S.
I know who Nimrod was. My old neighbor a long time ago.:old:
Only used it to give you some measure of respect. If I had thought less of you, I would have used something more colorful.:rolleyes:
B
cellophane
08-31-2008, 11:08 PM
Bones - I do understand, of course that it takes two peeps to get pregnant but then where does this whole "it's my body, my choice" rant that comes from women come from? It's like on one hand they demand the guy who gets them pregnant be accountable but then they say "well it's my choice if I want that anyway.Maybe I would rather get the abortion." And like Muku says, this thread is about abandoning families and not abortion but initially the point I was making was simply that this happens everywhere and not just places where there is military. And as far as women getting pregnant on purpose to trap a man-it does happen and if you don't think so then you live in a better world than I do. Hell I wouldn't doubt if there were women on this forum who did just that.Nothing against them but see where the power really lies? And how many guys here married their wife because she was pregnant and never thought for even a split second that they felt a bit backed up against a wall? It's not about judging anybody for the choices they made, just don't blame it merely on the fact that there is a military base around, that's all.
P_chan
08-31-2008, 11:23 PM
Speaking of abandoned families, I know of one in the making. Guy is a gunny in the marines and got a local girl pregnant (I know the girl). The girl is all happy because she wants to keep the kid and he says he'll take care of it. Which I told her, from the start, that it probably wouldn't happen. Now, here comes the ****** up part. Found out today that the guy is actually married and his wife is back in the states. But the madness doesn't end there folks! Guy has TWO other girls he's been seeing and one of them is also pregnant. And the ****** up part about the other girl is SHE IS ONLY 17!!!! Some people really piss me off......god damned ******s!
On top of it all, douchebag is a freaking SNCO!
Rossi46
08-31-2008, 11:33 PM
Speaking of abandoned families, I know of one in the making. Guy is a gunny in the marines and got a local girl pregnant (I know the girl). The girl is all happy because she wants to keep the kid and he says he'll take care of it. Which I told her, from the start, that it probably wouldn't happen. Now, here comes the ****** up part. Found out today that the guy is actually married and his wife is back in the states. But the madness doesn't end there folks! Guy has TWO other girls he's been seeing and one of them is also pregnant. And the ****** up part about the other girl is SHE IS ONLY 17!!!! Some people really piss me off......god damned ******s!
On top of it all, douchebag is a freaking SNCO!
Report him! if it's all true he will get his in the end
DoctorP
08-31-2008, 11:34 PM
Speaking of abandoned families, I know of one in the making. Guy is a gunny in the marines and got a local girl pregnant (I know the girl). The girl is all happy because she wants to keep the kid and he says he'll take care of it. Which I told her, from the start, that it probably wouldn't happen. Now, here comes the ****** up part. Found out today that the guy is actually married and his wife is back in the states. But the madness doesn't end there folks! Guy has TWO other girls he's been seeing and one of them is also pregnant. And the ****** up part about the other girl is SHE IS ONLY 17!!!! Some people really piss me off......god damned ******s!
On top of it all, douchebag is a freaking SNCO!
five words for ya:
anonymos phone call to command
P_chan
08-31-2008, 11:35 PM
I'd love to do that, but I don't even know his name. I'd have to do some digging and I doubt the woman in question could get an honest answer out of this douche.
:edit: Who knows, maybe this guy will man up. It's still too early to say and I'll wait for more details.
SGT_OKINAWA
09-01-2008, 10:01 PM
I don't love this island enough to keep busting my ass for low wages or companies with no future or benefits.
She gets island fever as badly as I do sometimes.
I know this is not on topic, but I could not resist the opportunity to pint out the ironic statements that went un-addressed, ….
See, all these people telling ME to sell everything and “just go back to Okinawa”, live in a shoe box apartment and eat bread and water.
Thank you dk for making my point.
Back on topic, I still stick to my first post.
Peace! :army:
Bones
09-01-2008, 11:02 PM
As posted by cellophane:
Bones - I do understand, of course that it takes two peeps to get pregnant but then where does this whole "it's my body, my choice" rant that comes from women come from? It's like on one hand they demand the guy who gets them pregnant be accountable but then they say "well it's my choice if I want that anyway.Maybe I would rather get the abortion." And like Muku says, this thread is about abandoning families and not abortion but initially the point I was making was simply that this happens everywhere and not just places where there is military. And as far as women getting pregnant on purpose to trap a man-it does happen and if you don't think so then you live in a better world than I do. Hell I wouldn't doubt if there were women on this forum who did just that.Nothing against them but see where the power really lies? And how many guys here married their wife because she was pregnant and never thought for even a split second that they felt a bit backed up against a wall? It's not about judging anybody for the choices they made, just don't blame it merely on the fact that there is a military base around, that's all.
I got your point a long time ago. And be it known, I'm on your side.
Welcome to the human race.
Hell I wouldn't doubt if there were women on this forum who did just that.Nothing against them but see where the power really lies?
Can't comment on the intentions of the women in question. But why is the power on their side?
Don't you think that it just might be possible, that two irresponsible adults did something stupid?
Why is the blame always shifted onto the women in question? Why can't the man be blamed for it as well? You don't think that he got horny after a few drinks, tapped it, and then tried to run away?
I'd also like to see a show of hands, of people who met their spouses in strange places a long time ago, who are still married. I did not abandon my family, after learning that I actually had one after getting married. Communication problem before we got married.:rolleyes:
Power is not one sided in a relationship. But if it is properly harnessed, by both sides, it can make that relationship grow.
Bones
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