Role Models

[Rachel]

My boyfriend told me an interesting story yesterday. He said an 'E7 pay
grade' had affair with the DoDDS school teacher. Now he decides he want to
get divorce. That was after being marriage almost 20 years to the same
woman. She was a faithful wife and didn't even want the divorce. He even has a kid
that is crying for him to stay. But she is going to be the victim twice.

She is being told to pack her bags and leave Okinawa right away.

I wonder who should be blamed?


A. The man who dispose of his family like a paper cup?

B. The DoDDS teacher who is house wrecker?

C. The military that doesn't even do anything against the guy?

D. DoDDS that knows everything but does nothing?

And what's the kind of message Mr E7 and Miss DODDS are sending his
child and her students?

[Sif: wife of Thor]

There are always 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth....

[okisteve]

I definitely would not hold the military or DoDDS responsible for the personal actions of adult employees, unless they had signed contracts that had a no hanky-panky clause. (They better have a good cause for firing the teacher.)

As for the individuals, it happens hundreds of times every day, so why blame either of them? I only feel sorry for their families.

[Isaak Brodsky]

Another classic example of the kind of stuff I've witnessed in the past fourteen years here: military man disposes of wife and/or child/ren as though they were McDonalds hamburger wrappings.

If she's not a US citizen, she's gonna really suffer. No rights to be asserted in this case. Even if she a US citizen, she's gonna be at a loss. Dependents have very little power overseas.

We've seen an average one breakup per year. Just more of the same I suppose. I feel really awful for women in this position.

I don't believe in legislating morality, but this kinda crap stinks and its smell permeates everyone near it.

[Rachel]

There are always 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth....

Why two sides?

What' s your side?

[BleuEneG]

Would this story be easier to digest if it was an E-3 paygrade?

[Sif: wife of Thor]

Why two sides? What' s your side?

I don't know what both sides are. No one ever really knows but the people who live thru this.
Nor will I presume to judge people or label them when I do not know all the facts.
I do know that there are laws to protect the spouses of services members on island. All one needs to do is go to legal. Spouses can't just be thrown off the island.

Do you know both these people? Do you know all the facts? Do you know what's it's like to live with him? or her? Are you 100% percent she has always been faithful? And why is a mother throwing her child in the middle of this? I think that's what bothers me the most, when people use their children to try to hurt or get at the other parent.

[socalheart]

I believe that paygrade has little to do with the digestability of this story.

I don't see what Sif's side has to do with Rachel's story.

I've seen this happen before on both sides. The dependent doesn't have to leave right away unless s/he's being deported by the command or local government. In cases of adultery by a service member, the command usually throws the book at the service member and consoles the wronged dependent. If the dependent agrees to a separation and/or divorce, then the dependent leaves.

The crying is a personal matter. The military doesn't really get into the emotional thing outside of counseling.

If blame must be placed on someone/thing as you seem to want, then I think it's the married couple's fault, both husband and wife.

And what does your story have to do with role models? Your thread title seems misleading to me.

[justpassingtime]

The only one you can blame in this situation is the man. He had a responsibility as a husband and father.

[Muku]

The only one you can blame in this situation is the man. He had a responsibility as a husband and father.

But it takes two to tango. There is probably blame to be passed around all over the place. I agree with Sif's point and Socal too!

My number one concern is the child. Screw the parents, make sure the kid is taken care of first.

[Muku]

Probably a separate thread here but....

Why does it always seem to be the guy that get's blamed in situations like this? At least to me it usually comes across that way.

The woman involved here, supposedly an educated person since she is a teacher, not that education and common sense go hand in hand, but I think she is at least 1/3 to "blame" as well.

She could have just as easily told the guy to keep it in his pants too.

If we are supposed to be working towards an equal society, equal rights for women as well, then blame I believe should equally be passed around when crap like this happens.

[socalheart]

Why does it always seem to be the guy that get's blamed in situations like this?

It's usually the man who is married, but the woman is single. In some adulterous relationships, both parties are married to others. In others, the woman is married. The last one is usually the most discreet of the three usual types.

[perfect10]

I don't know what both sides are. No one ever really knows but the people who live thru this.
Nor will I presume to judge people or label them when I do not know all the facts.
I do know that there are laws to protect the spouses of services members on island. All one needs to do is go to legal. Spouses can't just be thrown off the island.

Do you know both these people? Do you know all the facts? Do you know what's it's like to live with him? or her? Are you 100% percent she has always been faithful? And why is a mother throwing her child in the middle of this? I think that's what bothers me the most, when people use their children to try to hurt or get at the other parent.

I completely agree I went through this situation... Not going to talk about it now but whether people tell you or not there is something lacking in there relationship and it's always all of the individuals involved fault. And by all involved I mean the man, the wife, and the other woman or how ever the situation dictates..

[Tony Stacks]

My boyfriend told me an interesting story yesterday. He said an 'E7 pay
grade' had affair with the DoDDS school teacher. Now he decides he want to
get divorce. That was after being marriage almost 20 years to the same
woman. She was a faithful wife and didn't even want the divorce. He even has a kid
that is crying for him to stay. But she is going to be the victim twice.

She is being told to pack her bags and leave Okinawa right away.

I wonder who should be blamed?


A. The man who dispose of his family like a paper cup?

B. The DoDDS teacher who is house wrecker?

C. The military that doesn't even do anything against the guy?

D. DoDDS that knows everything but does nothing?

And what's the kind of message Mr E7 and Miss DODDS are sending his
child and her students?




In my opinion the DoD, DoDDS, branch of military should'nt do anything. IMO there should NEVER be NJPs and what not for adultry. It is a private matter that the military should have no juristiction over. The laws need to be updated. Just like a spouse can cheat on the military person 1st (which does happen) and the military person cheats back and gets burned. So wher's the justice.

Now personally I do NOT condone cheating and think it's wrong but it should'nt be the military's business.

[Tony Stacks]

And to answer who to blame. Blame both of them but whoever is married is more at fault.

[Rachel]

Would this story be easier to digest if it was an E-3 paygrade?

I agree about that point.

I just said that because I don't know his name.

My boyfriend said E-7 is something like an officer. Is 'E3' a admiral or a private first class?

[Isaak Brodsky]

sounds like both service-member and the teacher are at fault for letting this thing screw up the lives of a number of people - not the least of which is the wife and the child.

[zeldan]

Not that I agree with being the other women, but Ms. Home wrecker didn't wreck the home. If a husband goes out and looks for ass, then the house had probably already been hit by a tornado because Ms. HW came along with her wrecking ball.

[justpassingtime]

But it takes two to tango. There is probably blame to be passed around all over the place. I agree with Sif's point and Socal too!

My number one concern is the child. Screw the parents, make sure the kid is taken care of first.

While it does take two to tango, the woman had no ties to the guys wife and child. It is ultimately his responsibility to make sure he is doing right by them.

[BleuEneG]

I guess I could see how a guy could leave his wife. But how a man can bail on his kids is beyond me. :thumbdown:

[Bones]

As posted by Zeldan:

Not that I agree with being the other women, but Ms. Home wrecker didn't wreck the home. If a husband goes out and looks for ass, then the house had probably already been hit by a tornado because Ms. HW came along with her wrecking ball.

If I'm interpreting you correctly Zeldan, that other problems already existed within that family before the divorce, then you have no problem with him leaving her and the kids?

Perhaps you are suggesting that his wife had an affair, and now he's getting even and dumping her?

Also have to wonder about the motivation by some male/female married couples, to dump their spouses for someone else. Is it a monetary, or sexual thing? And if it's a sexual thing, if he/she cheated once, won't they do it again? So the chances of a long term relationship, would be what? Non-existent?

Just seems to me when this kind of thing happens, the people who decide to embark on this kind of a relationship, are using their thinking organs located below their waists, instead of the one located between their ears.

NBTP

[Isaak Brodsky]

. ... And what does your story have to do with role models? Your thread title seems misleading to me.

Aren't senior enlisted folks supposed to be role models for those under them? Besides passing along new knowledge to their pupils, aren't teachers in effect modeling the sort of behavior that society largely embraces? When folks like these don't meet our expectations, we come out against them, and for good reason.

Isn't the military community kinda like charged with a fairly special duty, far beyond, say, the run-of-the-mill accountant or banker on Wall Street? Maybe the military is right to punish those who step out of the morality line because moral and ethical attitudes and behavior are important to those holding powerful weapons.

[BleuEneG]

I am curious how many of us are from divorced homes. I am sure our various opinons on this particular thread are very related to what kind of home we were brought up in.

[zeldan]

As posted by Zeldan:



If I'm interpreting you correctly Zeldan, that other problems already existed within that family before the divorce, then you have no problem with him leaving her and the kids?

Perhaps you are suggesting that his wife had an affair, and now he's getting even and dumping her?

NBTP

Or, maybe I was just saying that there were problems BEFORE he went and stick his hot dog in somebody else's bun.

I guess I can add more than just that.

Just because a couple has problems doesn't mean a guy should leave. You weren't interpreting me correctly, at all. The couple could have gone in for marital counseling, first. And I definitely did not imply that she cheated on him, first. I really do not see how you got all of that out of my little euphemisms, or should I say dysphemisms?

[okisteve]

As posted by Zeldan:

Also have to wonder about the motivation by some male/female married couples, to dump their spouses for someone else. Is it a monetary, or sexual thing? And if it's a sexual thing, if he/she cheated once, won't they do it again? So the chances of a long term relationship, would be what? Non-existent?

Just seems to me when this kind of thing happens, the people who decide to embark on this kind of a relationship, are using their thinking organs located below their waists, instead of the one located between their ears.

NBTP

Maybe Zeldan will respond to your first 2 questions.

NBTP, you surprise me with your question about motivation because I know you to be a savvy guy. I don't think I exaggerate to say that most of contemporary American culture - books, movies, music, media sensations - is based around love and adultery. OK, OK, I have to be fair and admit it's not just the USA, and not just in the present time. There was a very popular film made in 1955 (maybe based on a stage play) called The Seven Year Itch, starring Marilyn Monroe. You can Google that if you don't get the meaning. This is a famous scene:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/images/monroe.jpg

[okisteve]

Or, maybe I was just saying that there were problems BEFORE he went and stick his hot dog in somebody else's bun.

Are there any marriages that don't have problems?

This isn't the Newlywed Game - Let's hear from people who have been married for 7 years.

[zeldan]

I believe that all marriages have problems. I won't argue that, not one bit =]

[socalheart]

I know of a few couples who were married for several years (10+) and divorced, usually after the kids were gone. People change over time. Some couples can integrate the changes into their relationship, but some can't. I know of several couples who were married only a few years before divorcing. They were all under 25 years old.

My experiences don't apply to all couples. I don't even mean to imply that.

[BleuEneG]

Are there any marriages that don't have problems?

This isn't the Newlywed Game - Let's hear from people who have been married for 7 years.

well since you asked...I have been married for 14 years and it is only by the grace of God we didn't end up divorced a while ago. Marriage isin't easy and I think in my case it was hard because I married young and I still had a lot of growing up to do. I learned lots of stuff the hard way and thank God I have a great husband who alllowed me to take my falls but didn't let me get away with not having the balls to pick myself back up again. Anyway...if any man ever had a valid reason for getting a divorce it was my man but his love for me must have overcome his self love I guess.

I have never had a fear that he would cheat on me either. And it's not because I am some hot mamma who makes it impossible for him to wander. I don't keep him on a short leash either. Why do I think he is faithful to me? Because he doesn't answer to me. He is accountable to God. I truly believe the secret to a lasting marriage has nothing to do with keeping the other person happy...it has to do with who do you love more? your spouse or God? The answer to that question for my husband is God.

[TheLastDon]

Wow I want to live in the LALA land some of you people are talking about. Shiii it happens. You people never seen that bumber sticker before.

[Muku]

Are there any marriages that don't have problems?

This isn't the Newlywed Game - Let's hear from people who have been married for 7 years.

Here here Steve. It takes work and determination to keep a marriage working in my opinion. Plus it takes an ability to forgive and forget.

Sure there are a lot of people here that have been married longer that I have been I am sure, but I will be, excuse me, we will be celebrating our 22nd Anniversary in June.

There are days we cant stand each other, and my wife is not only that, but she is also my best friend, and on occasion my worst enemy as well. But just because we fight and argue with each other doesnt mean we dont love each other either. :D

[okisteve]

That sounds pretty healthy to me. The couples who never fight are usually the ones who experience the surprise cherry bomb under the dogturd.

[BleuEneG]

There are days we cant stand each other, and my wife is not only that, but she is also my best friend, and on occasion my worst enemy as well. :D


This is off topic and I am sorry but DAMN all this time I thought Muku was a woman. I am pretty new to this forum though.But I tend to agree and like Muku's posts and I thought someone that cool has to be female.:scared:

[zeldan]

Maybe Muku is a woman. Married to a woman.

[Crazysix]

My 2 cents we dont have the full story from both sides, Im sorry but if you arent happy in a marriage kids are no reason to stay togather, because in the end, the kids will get hurt. As for the military, I feel they should not get involved in personal relationships, unless its a case of spouse or child abuse.

[Muku]

This is off topic and I am sorry but DAMN all this time I thought Muku was a woman. I am pretty new to this forum though.But I tend to agree and like Muku's posts and I thought someone that cool has to be female.:scared:


I am not female....sorry to disappoint you I think, but I also take this as a compliment as well. Thank you.:thumbup1:

Maybe Muku is a woman. Married to a woman.
Just ask P_Chan, Doug, DK, Bones, Swin, Smmersweet...they have met me and they know that if I was a woman I would be the worlds ugliest one at that...:eek::w00t:

[Muku]

Maybe Muku is a woman. Married to a woman.

I'll be nice it is a Sunday night........:D

[okisteve]

Maybe Muku is a woman. Married to a woman.

Muku - you've come a long way, baby!

[BleuEneG]

I think maybe two men can be married to each other but two women? what are they gonna do for fun?- clip coupons together?

[zeldan]

I'll be nice it is a Sunday night........:D

I was just saying that it is possible for two women to marry. I wasn't trying to say anything mean about you, personally =P

[zeldan]

I think maybe two men can be married to each other but two women? what are they gonna do for fun?- clip coupons together?

Or they could have sex. Just a thought, crazy as it may be.

[okisteve]

I think maybe two men can be married to each other but two women? what are they gonna do for fun?- clip coupons together?

I bet someone will send you a PM with a link, very soon...... (not me)

[BleuEneG]

The sex part is a given. That would be the only reason to be a lesbian.

[Muku]

I was just saying that it is possible for two women to marry. I wasn't trying to say anything mean about you, personally =P

Zel I know...there was just a great joke there. I:D

[Bones]

Shaking it like a salt&pepper shaker.:w00t:

or not.:old:

NBTP

[ATCER]

Let me be clear about this. The reason this guy wants a separation is because he found another women. He wants to send his wife and son back to the states so he can do what ever he wants. He manipulates his son and others to think that he actually cares, but the truth is that he doesn't want the responsibility of watching or taking care of his son. He actually promised his son that he would buy him a laptop so he could have entertainment on the plane ride back to the states. His wife has been loyal to him for over 15 years. She is a devout Christian who has never said "no" to help others. It's his and the DODDS teacher's fault that this family is being torn apart. This homely biddy must be good in bed, because she definitely doesn’t have the looks.

[Isaak Brodsky]

wow, stuff really gets around on this tiny lump of rock in the pacific!!

[P_chan]

Let me be clear about this. The reason this guy wants a separation is because he found another women. He wants to send his wife and son back to the states so he can do what ever he wants. He manipulates his son and others to think that he actually cares, but the truth is that he doesn't want the responsibility of watching or taking care of his son. He actually promised his son that he would buy him a laptop so he could have entertainment on the plane ride back to the states. His wife has been loyal to him for over 15 years. She is a devout Christian who has never said "no" to help others. It's his and the DODDS teacher's fault that this family is being torn apart. This homely biddy must be good in bed, because she definitely doesn’t have the looks.

Once again, a one sided view on the story. Do we really need to hear about this drama? Honestly it sounds like an episode of jerry springer:-|.

@ part in red: Jealous much?

[Crazysix]

Let me be clear about this. The reason this guy wants a separation is because he found another women. He wants to send his wife and son back to the states so he can do what ever he wants. He manipulates his son and others to think that he actually cares, but the truth is that he doesn't want the responsibility of watching or taking care of his son. He actually promised his son that he would buy him a laptop so he could have entertainment on the plane ride back to the states. His wife has been loyal to him for over 15 years. She is a devout Christian who has never said "no" to help others. It's his and the DODDS teacher's fault that this family is being torn apart. This homely biddy must be good in bed, because she definitely doesn’t have the looks.

P is right I mean honestly do we really are they are adults, let them live their lives.

[DougP]

Like watermelons through a frogs ass... so go the days of our lives...

[Crazysix]

Like watermelons through a frogs ass... so go the days of our lives...

now thats and ugly pic:barf:

[DougP]

now thats and ugly pic:barf:

Its the only thing I can think of that would sum up all this crazy business.

Nothing I can do about it, really. I'll just walk over to my wife, giver her a hug, a kiss, a slap on the ass and tell her "good game". Then when I wake up in the morning I'll tell her I still love her and hope that 20 years from now she'll still be in love with this idiot who should be studying for his exam tomorrow... doh:argh3:

[TheLastDon]

Like watermelons through a frogs ass... so go the days of our lives...

Dam it, where is that from. I know I know it.:thumbup:

[Crazysix]

this whole story reminds of a jerry springer episode when a guy found out his wife of 10+yrs use to be a man......now that d would be a case of spousal abuse on national there. But on the real, If I aint happy, I dont care if you are Gods sister, im out. Life is too damn short to miserable and stuck with some who makes it that way, this applies to man/woman or other

[Sex Wax]

Like watermelons through a frogs ass... so go the days of our lives...

I happens in the wild !!

http://www.clubfuji.com/Ash/green_and_black_poison-dart_frog.gif

:thumbup1:

[BleuEneG]

Its the only thing I can think of that would sum up all this crazy business.

Nothing I can do about it, really. I'll just walk over to my wife, giver her a hug, a kiss, a slap on the ass and tell her "good game". Then when I wake up in the morning I'll tell her I still love her and hope that 20 years from now she'll still be in love with this idiot who should be studying for his exam tomorrow... doh:argh3:

amen to that. The whole deal with broken marriages is nothing new and I am sure it happens more often than any of us want to hear. Like some posters mentioned ..for that drama there is Jerry Springer.

Since the title of this thread is "role models" lets present some. I wish I could start off by giving my parents as an example but unfortunatly they spilt when I was nine. So what about you all; who here has parents that are still married and actually in love?

[Isaak Brodsky]

I do, but they're long deceased.

They were together for forty-two years before cancer of the everything destroyed my mom. Same with my dad twelve years later.

The thread is about role models as has already been pointed out.

The two playaz discussed so far aren't really good candidates to learn from.

p.s. SexWax, great graphic.

[Crazysix]

Mom And Dad Were Married For 29 Years Before She Passed Last Sept

[afansi]

I think there is a bit of a wood and tree problem here when it comes to the role model issue. I don't know what was going on with this guy's marriage either, though I doubt he's on the fast track to sainthood. Still, there are a few thousand more role models in Okinawa who call a liar and a war criminal "Commander in Chief." What kind of example are they setting to the younger generation?

[BleuEneG]

I remember when every kid's hero was "daddy".

[BleuEneG]

And which country was 'daddy' incinerating at the time?

ouch...how do you take an innocent statement such as I made about a time when most kids actually looked up to their father's and turn it around like that? It was a general statement and not directed at you. I didn't even read the whole of your post it was just BLah blah blah to me. Perhaps you are the angry adult you are today because you still have issues against your own father...I don't know. But to equate the word "daddy" with what you did in your statement woud leave me to hope you don't have children. YIKES.:dead:

[mikersoft]

I remember when every kid's hero was "daddy".

Thankfully, that's still the case in my house. :cool: Now I gotta make sure I don't screw it up.

-Mike

[Isaak Brodsky]

... Still, there are a few thousand more role models in Okinawa who call a liar and a war criminal "Commander in Chief." What kind of example are they setting to the younger generation?

Interesting point. However, the OP is about this bastaRd in the armed services who treats people like used condoms. If he treats his own wife and child this way, I'd really hate to be his subordinate - if he's a position of power.

[afansi]

Perhaps you are the angry adult you are today because you still have issues against your own father

As one or two people have been speculating about my nationality and my relationship with my father on this and other threads, I think it is about time to come clean.

My real name is not Afansi, which any of you familiar with West Africa will know is Togolese, but Mohammed Abacha.

Some of you may have heard bad things about me and my father before, but I assure you none of these are true.

My late father, the Nigerian head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, was a loving man and a hero to all his compatriots, including myself.

He amassed a considerable fortune which he left to us, and my mother is still working hard to find a business partner with whom we can work to release these funds.

My mother’s name is Mrs Mariam Abacha, and if she contacts any forum members, as a man of God, I will be praying for their co-operation.

Of course everything she writes, including the details of my disgraceful treatment at the hands of the Nigerian authorities, is true.

[okisteve]

Afansi - yes, you, whoever you really are.... Tell your so-called mother that she better return my $8,000 right NOW.

I am hiring a lawyer with the money I just won from the Ivory Coast National Lottery and will take her sorry ass to the cleaners if she don't.

[Crazysix]

God I Hate Africans/ just kidding...a little, anyway it doesnt matter who you are or where you are from, I just wish you ease upa little in on some your anti military, anti american post.

[Crazysix]

As one or two people have been speculating about my nationality and my relationship with my father on this and other threads, I think it is about time to come clean.

My real name is not Afansi, which any of you familiar with West Africa will know is Togolese, but Mohammed Abacha.

Some of you may have heard bad things about me and my father before, but I assure you none of these are true.

My late father, the Nigerian head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, was a loving man and a hero to all his compatriots, including myself.

He amassed a considerable fortune which he left to us, and my mother is still working hard to find a business partner with whom we can work to release these funds.

My mother’s name is Mrs Mariam Abacha, and if she contacts any forum members, as a man of God, I will be praying for their co-operation.

Of course everything she writes, including the details of my disgraceful treatment at the hands of the Nigerian authorities, is true.
how many brothers and sister do you have????I get emails from them telling me thier sad story and plaese help me get my mooney...BLAH BLAH BLAH....Tell them to stop FVCKIN mailing me