Difficult Decision here

[okinawapaul]

Ok, here goes.

My son has been asked to attend a private jr. high school here in Oki. This school costs a lot of money, which the school has offerred to wave the fee. They are basically giving him a sports scholorship. If I send him here, he will be set to attend a major university in mainland Japan, also on scholorship!

My dilemma is this. Do you allow a child (11 years old) to make this decision? I hate to make it myself, and decide my son's fate this early in his life. If I send him to this school, I pretty much lock him into living in Japan the rest of his life. This is not guaranteed, but the chances are higher. He will have a successful future, because of the schools that he will attend, but we are basically choosing his fate for him.

I'm just having a difficult time with this decision. I've talked to him, and he is still a kid, I don't think at this point that he really cares either way. I know that as he ages, 16, 19, 22, that there may be resentment for having made this decision.

I knew that these types of things could come up as my kids get older, it's all part of being in an international marriage. I just didn't expect to have to make a decision like this when he was 11!

[ststephen65]

well i would say go for it, just be prepared to maybe take him back out if he decides its not for him, potentially costing money.

[Tempestuous]

Knee jerk type reaction for me- is the opportunity worth it? Is this something that is opened up to ALL kids or just those set aside/chosen ones?

Yes, you are setting him up for his future- but like Stephen mentioned you can pull him out (and likely pay the penalty) if it comes to that- So it can be UNdone. But without going this route will the opportunity RE-present itself?

Now & as he ages let him know you made the best decision AT THE TIME. Situations always change.
Something may happen & they may decide they don't want to scholarship him any longer- it might no be something that is set for the rest of his life.
But it could have that potential.

Tough call, but I would say it is worth the time spent considering it!
Good luck and keep us posted

[atb35]

You are not choosing your sons fate for him. You are allowing him the opportunity to grow to his maximum potential. There is nothing wrong with that and I dont see how he would resent you in the future. It sounds like a great opportunity and if I were in your shoes, I would allow my son to attend this school. Another thing is this...even though a child is 11, doesnt mean they are too immature to make decisions. The sooner a child can make a decision based on options presented to them, the better. It will make them better prepared to make good decisions in the future.

(Im not referring to letting your child make dumbass decisions like whether or not to start smoking or staying out all night)

[Muku]

Knowing what I do about what school's there are here in Okinawa and knowing what tuition costs are at those schools I can understand the dilemna you face. There are a whole bunch of other factors involved as well. Travel distance time away from home, studying etc etc. "Hidden" costs too.

Before I go on I would like to know what sport he would be entering JHS for?


Also are you aware of the problems HS's are facing with sports scholarships? In particular baseball?

Next I understand your thinking that he is going to be "locked" into Japan, however is that the reality? If you sent him to a base school or an all English school off base wouldn't you potentially be locking him into life in "America"? Because he may not have the Japanese skills necessary for life and living here?

You have the responsibility for your son as you know, have you considered only JHS and then taking him out to go to some other HS? What about his potential in the sport that he is being offered the scholarship? Would he have or does he have the potential for maybe the Olympics or becoming a pro someday?

I know I have dropped more questions on you here, and I apologize for that, however I think you have a little more time before you have to actually make the decision right?

I also think that congratulations are in order here as well that you have this opportunity for your child. :first:

[Go-Shay]

IMO it's a great opportunity, and at the very least it should be tired even if only for a short period

[socalheart]

If you've asked your child what he wants to do, and he doesn't decide, decide for him. You're a parent and are allowed to do so. It doesn't necessarily mean the child is tied to Japanese schools at the university level. American and European universities also offer scholarships. Either way, remind him that it's a positive opportunity to go to the better school.

At thirteen, my parents allowed me to decide to attend a boarding school in the states rather than go to a private school here. It changed my life; not necessarily for the worse or better. Even on the worse days, I never regretted going, nor did I blame my parents for letting me go. It helps to teach your child well. :)

[Bones]

Can't add anything to what the other's out there have said already, but from the way that you've phrased your question, I'm guessing that you've already talked about this with your wife? And perhaps her parents?

You've got a level head on your shoulders, so when it comes time to make your decision, you'll make the right one.:thumbup1:

NBTP

[okinawapaul]

Before I go on I would like to know what sport he would be entering JHS for?

Look at my avatar and you could figure it out.



Also are you aware of the problems HS's are facing with sports scholarships? In particular baseball?

Next I understand your thinking that he is going to be "locked" into Japan, however is that the reality? If you sent him to a base school or an all English school off base wouldn't you potentially be locking him into life in "America"? Because he may not have the Japanese skills necessary for life and living here?


I am unaware of problems with scholarships, as this is the first time I have dealt with them. Could you elaborate?

As for locking him in. I put him in American school because I needed to reinforce his English. I fear that if he switches back to Japanese school then his English will decline. I see way too many dual nationality kids who can't speak English worth a damn, even though their parents swear that they are "fluent"!


You have the responsibility for your son as you know, have you considered only JHS and then taking him out to go to some other HS? What about his potential in the sport that he is being offered the scholarship? Would he have or does he have the potential for maybe the Olympics or becoming a pro someday?

I know I have dropped more questions on you here, and I apologize for that, however I think you have a little more time before you have to actually make the decision right?

I also think that congratulations are in order here as well that you have this opportunity for your child. :first:

If he goes to this school, he will all but be guaranteed a high level education in Japan which would include a college degree from an A-list college. After that he would be in line for a great job. Unless there are changes in the future, the Olympics are out of the question, but who knows.

I appreciate all of the replies so far. We have a few more months to decide though.

[okinawapaul]

If you've asked your child what he wants to do, and he doesn't decide, decide for him. You're a parent and are allowed to do so. It doesn't necessarily mean the child is tied to Japanese schools at the university level. American and European universities also offer scholarships. Either way, remind him that it's a positive opportunity to go to the better school.

Thanks for the reply. I will let you know what I decide to do.

[ryukyuboi]

I say send him on a trial basis. If everything works out for him, great. If not, you can plan another course of action.

[Muku]

If he goes to this school, he will all but be guaranteed a high level education in Japan which would include a college degree from an A-list college
This is no garuntee either, he has the opportunity if he studies, I know plenty of kids that blew their chances because they thought they were garunteed something because of their sports abilities only to wake up one day and find out it wasnt that simple.

As for locking him in. I put him in American school because I needed to reinforce his English. I fear that if he switches back to Japanese school then his English will decline. I see way too many dual nationality kids who can't speak English worth a damn, even though their parents swear that they are "fluent"!

Sorry but this sounds like a cop out on your part. Compare all the "other" kids you want, this is your child you have the ability to prevent this from happening if you want to, if you put the effort into it there is no reason to fear that your child would ever not be fluent in both languages.

While you and I both know plenty of kids that cant speak it worth a damn I also know plenty that can and do.

Oh and another thing, by keeping him in an American School environment you are limiting his Japanese abilities and he probably wont have the necessary Japanese skills to enter a Japanese University, if he so chooses to in the future.

Sounds to me anyway that you have made a choice in what "future" you want for him already.

He can have both skills, it's just what do you want to sacrifice out of your time to ensure that he becomes fluent in English.

am unaware of problems with scholarships, as this is the first time I have dealt with them. Could you elaborate?

Just to say that in HS's they can not offer sports scholarships to baseball players anymore and there is a possibility that that will extend to other sports as well. JHS is one thing, HS is another.

Look at my avatar and you could figure it out.

Kind of figured that....so it is either "O" Junior High School or "K" Junior High School. Mmmm....you live in Gushikawa right? Just the travel time is going to be a pain on your son. For "O" JHS probably 1 hour or more one way just to get to school:eek: For "J" School even more. Are you planning on moving closer as well.

Plus if it is either school there are plenty of other costs involved in sending a kids there. Lunch fees are higher than in a regular Japanese JHS and PTA fees get really high, close to $100 per month. Not including the costs of uniforms etc etc.

Ok it isnt just the money but please dont assume that he will be garunteed anything other than a seat in a classroom and have the expectation placed upon him to perform his sport at a very high level for 6 years. If he doesnt what then? Will they pull the scholarship and then try to get you to pay for all tution and fees because he wasnt the poster boy that they were looking for? Because that is what it is all about anyway.

Something else to think about as well.

[Tony Stacks]

Go for it. You are not "locking" him into living in Japan. If he graduates college he can still get a job in the States if he wants to.