Nidieux
12-14-2007, 09:13 PM
OkiMike! Good to see you at the Okinawa Freethought Society meeting tonight. Did you see this on the news yet?
CHRISTIAN GROUP LOBBIES TO BAN MASTURBATION
WASHINGTON, DC, Faux News Service -- Rev. John Spankitt, president of the Sperm Is Life League (SPILL), today announced a campaign to outlaw masturbation. According to Spankitt, SPILL plans to lobby Congress to introduce legislation criminalizing male self-gratification.
"Men who masturbate are quite clearly engaging in murder," Spankitt said. "Each teaspoonful of ejaculate contains millions of sperm, a single one of which can bring life. When men spill their seed upon the ground, they are killers just as much as your average abortion doctor."
Rev. Spankitt said that details of detection and prosecution had yet to be addressed, but he was confident that answers would be coming soon.
"President Bush and Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle have expressed interest in our issue. They think it's important to take a stand for life. It's about morality."
When questioned about possible sanctions, Spankitt referred to the Bible.
"We're debating that right now. Matthew 5:30 says, 'If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee.' We think that's a good start for first offenders. Education AND amputation--those are the keys."
SPILL plans to organize nationwide "SPILL Circles" in which men may come together for help with their compulsion.
"Second offenders would have to be dealt with more severely," Spankitt stated. "As Genesis 38:9-10 says, '. . . he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also.' You can draw your own conclusions."
When reporters asked Rev. Spankitt if he had ever masturbated, he declared the press conference closed and rushed from the room with the aid of his guide dog, Onan.
CHRISTIAN GROUP LOBBIES TO BAN MASTURBATION
WASHINGTON, DC, Faux News Service -- Rev. John Spankitt, president of the Sperm Is Life League (SPILL), today announced a campaign to outlaw masturbation. According to Spankitt, SPILL plans to lobby Congress to introduce legislation criminalizing male self-gratification.
"Men who masturbate are quite clearly engaging in murder," Spankitt said. "Each teaspoonful of ejaculate contains millions of sperm, a single one of which can bring life. When men spill their seed upon the ground, they are killers just as much as your average abortion doctor."
Rev. Spankitt said that details of detection and prosecution had yet to be addressed, but he was confident that answers would be coming soon.
"President Bush and Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle have expressed interest in our issue. They think it's important to take a stand for life. It's about morality."
When questioned about possible sanctions, Spankitt referred to the Bible.
"We're debating that right now. Matthew 5:30 says, 'If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee.' We think that's a good start for first offenders. Education AND amputation--those are the keys."
SPILL plans to organize nationwide "SPILL Circles" in which men may come together for help with their compulsion.
"Second offenders would have to be dealt with more severely," Spankitt stated. "As Genesis 38:9-10 says, '. . . he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also.' You can draw your own conclusions."
When reporters asked Rev. Spankitt if he had ever masturbated, he declared the press conference closed and rushed from the room with the aid of his guide dog, Onan.