How do i handle a situation like this?

[smhersweetie]

Alright...just got back from picking up my daughter from school. Was upset...very upset!! Well, I let my daughter play with some boys her age at the playgroud. I was sitting there when all of a sudden the kids blurted out..."Are you from china"? In the way of...of course making fun of her. I didn't mind maybe the first few times, but then they kepted asking her. Of course it bothered me, so I got up and told her that what they were asking wasn't nice and told her that we were leaving. Of course my daughter didn't understand that they were being mean or making fun of her. I asked my daughter and told her did she tell them "NO" she wasn't from china. Of course she didn't answer me because she was upset we left the playground. There were two parents sitting behind me, but a distance...while we walked away one of the mother's called her son over. I didn't hear...I took my daughter and walked away. Now...not that I have anything against chinese people or China. Of course they're kids...they don't know. Now what do I do in a situation like this? I felt offended and will talk to my daughter about later on, because she didn't sense that the kids were making fun of her. I tried not to take this so personally until like the 10th time like all 5 boys asked her if she was from China. Gosh....how do i deal with situations like this? It's like their kids, but still....I don't want them to keep asking or bothering my daughter even after if she even did say "no". I was soo bothered...I walked away and I'm sure the two parents were looking at me like what's wrong?? Of course both of their boys are in my daughters class. We all see eachother when we pick up our kids. Any help or suggestions to handle something like this?

[DougP]

Just asking but were the other children Japanese?

[smhersweetie]

Nope. They were hispanic, white, and black.

[ryukyuboi]

Let it pass.

[DougP]

Kids are the best and most clearest indications to their parent's thoughts. They do say the darnedest things but a lot of what they do say is learned from their folks. As she grows up she will run into a lot more children/ young adults who were obviously not taught decent values. World still sucks and racism can come from any direction. I would just continue on with educating your child on what is right and what is wrong.

[Asshat]

Please teach your daughter to celebrate her heritage (whatever it may be) and let her know that sometimes people are just curious about other people. The kids are definitely parroting what their parents are saying.

You have the opportunity to break the mold, turn the page and teach your daughter to accept everyone.

[Fonze]

That blame the parent thing isn't completely true. These young kids could've learned it from anybody.

Did these kids parents hear what they were saying?

You did right and should've told your daughter to say no.

[smhersweetie]

Anger wore off...glad it did. I understand what you guys are saying. I make sure that my daughter does not treat anyone or anyone of a diff. race any different. And of course make sure that she knows how to respond when something like that occurs. I guess as a parent it just got to me....got my child and left the situation. Their kids...of course they don't understand...or do they? At that age they should know...but of course yes sometimes they aren't taught or don't know any better I guess.

Response to Fonze: Yes the parents heard it, but they were talking so then when I got up..in a calm voice, but upset told the kids that they shouldn't be making fun of her and then told my daughter we were leaving. One of the parents called her son over, but we left by the time her son got to her. I see them all the time...I'm sure they might just confront me about it tomorrow, but who knows.

Just want to make sure my daughter will know how to respond to something like that when she's on her own. No matter what...she can still play with them of course...kids are kids. Just want to make sure my daughter understands.

Just kinda frustrates me in away..hubby gone and me just home..huh...hate when he has to leave and be away from home. But yes...thanks for the advice guys.

[dk]

I think you did the right thing, but basically, kids will be kids. I think it was good of you to take your daughter out of the situation after enough of that crap, but as she gets older it might be good to try to not protect her too much. I'm not saying you were. I'm just saying kids will be kids. I remember facing quite a lot of prejudice as I was growing up over here.

[Koopa Troopa]

I think you overreacted. Kids will be kids, weither or not they heard it from their parents or a TV show they'll say it until they're told it's wrong to say.

I don't think you should teach your daughter to entertain such questions but that's just me.

I also feel that instead of ending your daughter's fun you should have brought it up to the parents if what the kids were saying offended you.

It's life, if you're different then others then you'll suffer for it. Hell I took ESL (English as a Second Language) classes in elementary school because my last name is Rodriguez. Funny thing is my first language is English... My dad had just passed away so I wasn't too talkative. I guess they figured I just wasn't participating because I didn't habla the ingles.

[Oxmix]

Get your kid into Karate. If their is a problem in the future she will handle it. (Sarcasm):D
I often wondered if my 2 boys would be teased for being half Korean and Caucasian. Never was a problem. I did put them into Karate though.

A friend of ours son, half Korean & Caucasian, was repeatedly harassed on the school buss. One day the harassment went physical and he mopped up the floor with the bully. After that he was the most popular kid in school.:thumbup:

Regards

Ox

[Tempestuous]

As a protective parent, I understand. The best thing to do is to teach your child who SHE is. Smart, beautiful, one of a kind, sweet, caring, out going, etc, as well as her heritage.
Also teach her how to handle herself so that at school or other times when you are not around she can stand up for herself.

You don't want her to be easily offended and hurt by every little comment said. If you establish who she is and that she should be proud in that, what the other kids say and do isn't going to effect her quite as much as it could if she were insecure. She is young enough now you can soundly input and get a firm foundation before the kids get older and eventually meaner.

Hang in there! And remember sometimes what the kids say & how it comes out to US is different than they meant it.

I know I have gotten on my one boy for saying something that came out rude and when he explained what he was meaning to say/ask it really was harmless, it just came out ugly based on MY perception/experiences.
Some times I have helped him reword his statements or questions so there is less ability to be misconstrued but still even that isn't a guarantee.

[smhersweetie]

I think you overreacted. Kids will be kids, weither or not they heard it from their parents or a TV show they'll say it until they're told it's wrong to say.

I don't think you should teach your daughter to entertain such questions but that's just me.

I also feel that instead of ending your daughter's fun you should have brought it up to the parents if what the kids were saying offended you.

It's life, if you're different then others then you'll suffer for it. Hell I took ESL (English as a Second Language) classes in elementary school because my last name is Rodriguez. Funny thing is my first language is English... My dad had just passed away so I wasn't too talkative. I guess they figured I just wasn't participating because I didn't habla the ingles.

Overreacted? Yes maybe I did..maybe I didn't. C'mon now...I let it go the first few calls...watching my daughter see how she was gonna handle the situation...I never usually jump in, but like I said after like the 10th time I got her and left. Of course kids will be kids..I know that. I have one of my own!!

Well, regardless now I will just continue to teach and educate my daughter. The last thing I want my daughter to do is either fight or be mean back to the kids. That's not the way to solve anything. I just want her to stand up for herself and treat others the way she wants to be treated.

[smhersweetie]

Get your kid into Karate. If their is a problem in the future she will handle it. (Sarcasm):D
I often wondered if my 2 boys would be teased for being half Korean and Caucasian. Never was a problem. I did put them into Karate though.

A friend of ours son, half Korean & Caucasian, was repeatedly harassed on the school buss. One day the harassment went physical and he mopped up the floor with the bully. After that he was the most popular kid in school.:thumbup:

Regards

Ox


My Husband tried to get her into karate class, but she's a girlie girl so she thinks karate is for boys. He tried to convince her to take Jiu-Jitsu with him, but she refused. I'm going to talk to her and try to convince her to take it. We'll see what she says. Thanks for the advice.

[Muku]

but she's a girlie girl so she thinks karate is for boys
If you have the time take your daughter to an off base Karate dojo. There are many females practicing karate. It is great for teaching balance, inner strength and of course helps anyone keep their "figure".

It would also help to teach her to learn not to sweat the little stuff as well.

Which in my opinion is what happened. In myopinion it is best not to make a big issue out of this with her, I dont think you want to plant any seeds into her head about the idea that she may be different, which she isnt.

As a protective parent, I understand. The best thing to do is to teach your child who SHE is. Smart, beautiful, one of a kind, sweet, caring, out going, etc, as well as her heritage.
Also teach her how to handle herself so that at school or other times when you are not around she can stand up for herself.

You don't want her to be easily offended and hurt by every little comment said. If you establish who she is and that she should be proud in that, what the other kids say and do isn't going to effect her quite as much as it could if she were insecure. She is young enough now you can soundly input and get a firm foundation before the kids get older and eventually meaner.

Hang in there! And remember sometimes what the kids say & how it comes out to US is different than they meant it.

Sounds like great advice to me, as a parent myself of three mixed heritage children I understand much of where things like this come from. Many people not just kids say stupid things.

Hell my daughter got told to her face that and I am quoting here;

"If your parents didnt get married and have you, there never would have been an Amerasian problem in the first place"

That came from the president of her elementary schools' PTA. People say things that are assinine all the time, if your daughter has self confidence, instilled and taught to her by you and your husband she will be fine I am sure.

[smhersweetie]

If you have the time take your daughter to an off base Karate dojo. There are many females practicing karate. It is great for teaching balance, inner strength and of course helps anyone keep their "figure".

It would also help to teach her to learn not to sweat the little stuff as well.

Which in my opinion is what happened. In myopinion it is best not to make a big issue out of this with her, I dont think you want to plant any seeds into her head about the idea that she may be different, which she isnt.


Sounds like great advice to me, as a parent myself of three mixed heritage children I understand much of where things like this come from. Many people not just kids say stupid things.

Hell my daughter got told to her face that and I am quoting here;

"If your parents didnt get married and have you, there never would have been an Amerasian problem in the first place"

That came from the president of her elementary schools' PTA. People say things that are assinine all the time, if your daughter has self confidence, instilled and taught to her by you and your husband she will be fine I am sure.

Thanks Muku. I have all the time in the world I will definitely take her to go watch and see so that way she can decide. But, I will definitely encourage her to take it and if not I'll just wait when she's ready to do so.

Hubby and I brought her up pretty good. At least that's what people tell us. Very active and energetic kid I have..and full of funny jokes and fun stuff.

Yes...I don't want to make it a big issue out of this, but make sure she knows about her own heritage and to treat everyone with love and respect.

Thanks for advice and input all.

[Mad Hatter]

what about the truth... the truth that will save her so much time in the long run... how to control guys? if you start her young... should could have anything she wants by the time she is 20:thumbup:

[ront206]

let it go kids just being kids. teach your kid right from wrong.

[smhersweetie]

let it go kids just being kids. teach your kid right from wrong.

Yes. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. All I do is continue to teach her right and wrong and respect and treat everyone no matter what race they are. She's well taught, and when she does say something different about someone...eventually I correct, teach, and educate her.

Thanks ..everyone has been helpful in every way.

[Koopa Troopa]

The karate idea was the most retarded thing I've ever heard. OMG some kids heckled my kid at the park so I'm going to enroll them in self defense classes. Wow Muku, who's more grown up here? You or those kids at the park?

[Muku]

The karate idea was the most retarded thing I've ever heard. OMG some kids heckled my kid at the park so I'm going to enroll them in self defense classes. Wow Muku, who's more grown up here? You or those kids at the park?

Well, I will take your lack of knowledge about karate into consideration. If you think that karate is just for self defense then you know very little about what it is all about.

Oh and btw, it wasnt me who first suggested it, but I agree with the idea, not just for her kid but any kids, particularly with a teacher excuse me a 先生 that knows what they are doing. And that means teaching kids about inner strength, self confidence, amongst a huge list of other things that learning karate helps to instill in a person.

Now then koopa who is the adult?

[thistle]

You never mentioned how old your daughter is which is a big factor I think in teaching her how to respond.
I think if it had been me there, I would have gone and talked to the parents if they were sitting close by, but no I don't think you overreacted.

[smhersweetie]

You never mentioned how old your daughter is which is a big factor I think in teaching her how to respond.
I think if it had been me there, I would have gone and talked to the parents if they were sitting close by, but no I don't think you overreacted.

My daughter is 6 yrs. old.

After the fact when I got home..I thought about it and should of went to go talk to the parents, but I didn't. I should of have though. Thanks for your help.

[thistle]

No problemo!
I have had to deal with situations like this many times when I used to live in the South of the Island, but with Japanese kids. My older son looks as much foreign as he does Japanese, and always caused kids to shout 'america-jin' or sometimes 'eigo no oni-san'(english speaking boy!) or things like that and most times I would go up and talk to the kids if the parents were not around.

Of course, there were days when I would get tired of them, lose my head and shout back at them 'ah, Nippon-jin' or something, I don't remember. But they were only 5 year old uneducated kids who did not know any better and did not always have parents nearby, or even if they did they did not teach them that it is wrong to point and shout names.
I'm glad that I moved to the North!

[The One]

You daughter is young and this will only be the beginning. There will be more situations in her life time that she will have to deal with. Someone said that kids are a reflection of there parents. In some ways I think that is true for both sides. As the parent if you over react and the kid sees this (not saying that you over reacted) then this will build up in your child.
My kids are half Black and Filipino and when they were kids in San Diego (Whew!!) they would come home almost every day. My daughter not so much my son, but there mom would just over react and go to the school want to talk to the principle and there parents. She was looking for justice... I am the calm one growing up in L.A. kids just look for the things to push your buttons. But today my daughter is 16 and junior in San Diego. She has blossomed into a beautiful young lady. Gets compliments all of the time. Her classmates ask her nationality all of the time now. Big difference from her younger days.
So my advice is to stick in there and if the parents are around talk to them. If not then talk to the kids. Because they probably didn't know what they was saying was wrong.

[smhersweetie]

You daughter is young and this will only be the beginning. There will be more situations in her life time that she will have to deal with. Someone said that kids are a reflection of there parents. In some ways I think that is true for both sides. As the parent if you over react and the kid sees this (not saying that you over reacted) then this will build up in your child.
My kids are half Black and Filipino and when they were kids in San Diego (Whew!!) they would come home almost every day. My daughter not so much my son, but there mom would just over react and go to the school want to talk to the principle and there parents. She was looking for justice... I am the calm one growing up in L.A. kids just look for the things to push your buttons. But today my daughter is 16 and junior in San Diego. She has blossomed into a beautiful young lady. Gets compliments all of the time. Her classmates ask her nationality all of the time now. Big difference from her younger days.
So my advice is to stick in there and if the parents are around talk to them. If not then talk to the kids. Because they probably didn't know what they was saying was wrong.

Thanks!! :) This is very good advice too. I completely think that taking this with the school is a little overboard, but completely wish maybe talked to the parents of these kids. Kids will be kids...and like alot of the others said some kids don't know any better. I just want to make sure my daughter knows how to stand up for herself in a positive way and not a negative way. And understand when someone is makig fun of her or pushing her around. My daughter speaks just perfect english...has no accent of any kind. Just didnt' know why they made fun and asked her that question. I don't want to be that parent or person who opens a can of worms over nothing too big. I guess it was just a reaction when it happened.


There's been other times when she's been bullyed, but knowing my daughter...she seems to know how to handle it, and if she doesn't then she'll come to me about it.

Last year she was in kindergarten...she got in trouble and didn't tell me until a few days later my daughter tolded me that she had to go to the principals office. I asked her why, and she said that a boy pushed her and she pushed him back (of course I was shocked)...so then the boy told on her and said she pushed him first when he did. So then she got in trouble for it..I was a little upset thinking that the boy pushed her first, but either way..they both pushed eachother that both should be punished..even my kid. So then I talked to my daughter and said that she shouldn't have pushed the boy back. Of course she felt bad, but at the same time my daughter only got the punishment. I was kinda pissed at the principal to put all the fault on her. If it involves 2...then I believe to punish both of them.

[happily_married_1206]

Best bet is to let it go if it happens again tell theyre parents. i mean not much is there to do... like you said they are just kids...and remember KIDS ARE CRUEL... i know... i was asked like 20 billion times if i was related to charles manson because well my maiden name is wendy manson, but aside from that i was asked many times in school if my mom fed me fat for dinner, because i was chubby... just remember kids are cruel and they are just that....kids.