Funny Joke

[atb35]

A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper. After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intentively on the youth's multicolored mowhawk. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"
The man responeded with "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."

[Guyjin]

Kinda dry :-|

lemme try something

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving

revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the

startled first bandit shot him.



Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab

some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the

window.

The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole

event was caught on videotape.

[dk]

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
I would LOVE to see that tape. :thumbup:

[Guyjin]

I would LOVE to see that tape.

So would I.


Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal

a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it

out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a

Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper

was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the

raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.





A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the

Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he

began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the

police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells

Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the

Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling

errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she

could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of

America deposit slip, and that he would either have to fill out a Wells

Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at

Bank of America.

[NaNaKo]

This is from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

Family Feud host Richard Karn: Name a profession which would be bad for a person who doesn't like kids.

Contestant: A mortician.

[NaNaKo]

This is from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

Q: Is someone allowed to eat a ballot?

A: Eating a ballot, not returning it or otherwise destroying or defacing it constitutes a serious breach of the Canada Elections Act.

in the FAQs section of the Canadian Elections Web site, www.elections.ca

[NaNaKo]

This is from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

City of Appleton expects to hit turnout of 125%; voting places close at 8 p.m.

headline in the Fox River Valley, Wisconsin, Post-Crescent

[NaNaKo]

This is from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

John Kerry has a 440,000 vote margarine in Pennsylvania.

reporter during 2004 Election Day coverage, NBC-TV.

[Cathleen_38]

Margarine? Tell you mean "I can't believe it's not butter!" lmao.. For the love of God don't you know cholestrol can kill you?? LMAO!! Just Kidding.. I know what you meant- the word margin.

[Fonze]

I wish my lawn was an EMO, so it could cut itself.

lame i know

[DocTurtle]

lol, Fonze, that's one of my favorites.

[Cathleen_38]

:DProp: A Latex glove
hold it up and ask your friends what it is.
and if they reply " a glove"
here's the punchline:
you say; no, its a 5-way prophalatic 1 size fits all, if one busts,you've four more chances left!

a boy was walking home from school one day and he was doing a book report;
he walked up to his father with a perplexed look on his face.
he told his father he was having trouble with the words "theoretical" and "realistically".
His father looked at him, and understood the boy's perplexity. Okay, son, I can help you with that book report.
Go up to your sister and ask her if she would screw a strange man for a million dollars.
the boy replied, "Okay."
So the boy went to his sister and asked her would she screw a strange man for a million dollars.
the sister replied,"Hell, yeah I would!"
the boy returned to his father,still perplexed, not understanding the situation;
He said to his father - she said, "Hell, yeah! She would!"
Okay, now son, go up to your mother and ask her,would she screw a strange man for a million dollars.
the boy replied again: "Okay"
he walks up to his mother and asked her "Hey, Mom would you screw a strange man for a million dollars?" She said; " Hell yeah!!"
by this time,the boy was REALLY perplexed.
He returned to his father once more;
the boy told his father the same story;
She said, "Hell, Yeah!"
Now son about that book report; "theoretically"we have a couple of million dollars, "realistically" we have a couple of whores! :scared::scared::w00t::w00t::scared::D:D:D

[Cathleen_38]

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Whatcha shaking f~ffor, she's gonna eat me f~ffirst!!

[NaNaKo]

from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

Judge: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?

Witness: I do.

Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?

Witness: Sure. My side will win.

recorded in court testimony.

East Grand Rapids city officials suggested reducing the height of proposed condoms by one-third, but residents who packed a meeting at the high school Tuesday still complained.

from the Grand Rapids (Michigan) Press (They meant to say condos.)

NOTICE: Do not press any key when the following message appears: Press any key to boot from the CD.

from the Dell Dimension 2400 owner's manual

[NaNaKo]

from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

Properly insulting your water tank and piping can reduce your energy consumption by 4 to 9 percent.

Sturgeon County, Alberta, water department pamphlet





I have had great financial sex.

businessman Ross Perot, in a speech (He had, he quickly explained, intended to say "great financial success.")

[Fonze]

I heard this joke last night.

Gas is so expensive that drive bys are down in the ghettos.

[NaNaKo]

from 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar.

Reporter: What's the story on your eye infection?

Philadelphia 76ers player Kenny Thomas: It's in the back of my eye. I think it's the rectum.