Would you adopt a child?

[TheNoNamedOne]

Have you adopted a child? or thinking about doing so? Would you?

At one time my wife and I had plans to and talked of it often, but in the end we never followed through with it. My cousin adopted a boy from Russia and he is now brothers with their biological son. They are a great family together.

My friend many years ago was adopted. He was black and adopted into a white family. I often wonder about cases like that. I think a black white adoption may be harder than a white/oriental mix adoption -- although I am perhaps wrong on that. But, he always talked about loving his white parents.

I think a lot of Japanese are not so open to the idea of adoption. One of my old girl friends when I had broached the subject with her when we were thinking about marrying looked at me like I was from Mars to even suggest such a thing -- citing not knowing the child's past and blood could result in adopting a future criminal. That discussion in our relationship always left me frustrated.

Your thoughts or experiences on adoption? Would like to hear them.

[socalheart]

My mother knew a Caucasian couple who adopted a Vietnamese baby girl. Twenty years later, she's in college and doing fine. I'm not personally familiar with any other ethnic mixing in adoptions, other than on TV.

[TheNoNamedOne]

Socal, are you and your husband open to adoption? Have you discussed it?

[socalheart]

Not right now or any time soon. We're expecting one made from scratch, so will see how it goes from there. I wouldn't be adverse to it though depending on circumstances.

[TheNoNamedOne]

With many new members to the forum since this thread was started, I was wondering if any of our new members have adopted children or have been adopted themselves (if you would like to share). Check out the OP and if you can comment on those points please do so, or if you are considering adopting.

To broaden the topic a little on adoption, any thoughts on those who adopt abroad before going through the lengthy time period to adopt in the U.S.? Brad Pitt and Angelina Joline, as well as Madonna come to my mind, but I am sure there are many rich lesser well known people who do so as well, be it either in Africa, Russia, Cambodia, etc...

Do you think governments should offer any special incentives to their citizens to encourage adoptions?

[InDuhUSA]

Would you adopt a child?

I would but wife is reluctant. Always feel sorry for any orphaned children.

[Big-Kokujin]

I would only if for some reason me and my wife were unable. But not just because. I know of people who have kids and adopt.

I wouldnt want to adopt if I can have kids, because i want my kids to look like me.

[Trail]

I have always been open to adoption. There are 2 major reasons behind my motives to adopt.

My 1st cousin is adopted by my aunt and uncle (both caucasian) from S.Korea. She was only a few months old when they received her. My aunt had to fly to S.Korea to pick her up. There was never any difference or any type of tension between us natural born family and her. She was and still is just Natalie. She is now 19, normal, and pursuing a degree at University of Michigan with full academic scholarship.

In having a first hand experience with an adoptee, and positive one at that, I never saw a reason why people hesitate to have adoption as an option. We have family friends that have spent tons of money on in-vitro several times and have not been successful. But since they only want "natural" born children, adoption is not an option. I find that they are very narrow-minded and selfish to be the way they are. With the money they have spent on all the drugs, procedures, and doctors, they could have given a child a very happy, loving home by now. I just don't understand it.

The last reason I am open to adoption is the fact that since I was small, I have been told by doctors that I might not be able to have children of my own or carry them to term. Well, I proved them wrong but even still. I grew up fully understanding that I might not have children of my "own." I can thank my parents somewhat for that in preparing me my whole life to be ready to adopt. My husband was even told when we were dating that I might not be able to have children of my own and he was totally fine with adoption.

Even now, while expecting my own, I still think about adopting in the future. Race is not important for me either. It would be challenging to have 1 natural born and 1 of a different race but I think it would make us all stronger as people and as family.

[badkitty]

I would love to adopt a child but i think that i would have to get one from the US first because there are so many kids without a home. But i am open to getting a kid from a different country.

[Ammoyankee]

I have a long time friend who adopted a child from China in 2005. Him and his wife were very motivated in the adoption but I could tell it was placing a large amount of stress on them. First, there is the cost, I believe it was just over $20,000 for them. Second, much of the money and arrangements are handled through a middleman/adoption broker. For awhile it seemed like they were always being asked for more money and time. Finally after the second time they had to get VISAS/travel arrangements approved, they went to China and adopted a beautiful little girl. She did have a cleft palate and to my understanding many of the children from China do have birth defects. But, almost immediately after the adoption, the military medevac'd them to Hawaii and performed corrective surgery on their daughter.
In the long run, they are now a happy family but it was not an easy time. This is one of those decisions that you have to be 110% sure you want and be prepared to follow through...

[Muku]

I have a long time friend who adopted a child from China in 2005. Him and his wife were very motivated in the adoption but I could tell it was placing a large amount of stress on them. First, there is the cost, I believe it was just over $20,000 for them. Second, much of the money and arrangements are handled through a middleman/adoption broker. For awhile it seemed like they were always being asked for more money and time. Finally after the second time they had to get VISAS/travel arrangements approved, they went to China and adopted a beautiful little girl. She did have a cleft palate and to my understanding many of the children from China do have birth defects. But, almost immediately after the adoption, the military medevac'd them to Hawaii and performed corrective surgery on their daughter.
In the long run, they are now a happy family but it was not an easy time...

I have a number of adopted nieces, nephews and other relatives, and you bring up a great point, money! I can not understand the point in having to spend tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a needy child. That money could be better put to use raising the child and makes it nearly impossible for some people, well deserving nurturing couples that would make great parents, from helping some of these kids out.

I recall my brother and his now ex-wife, paid something in the neighborhood of $50,000 to adopt their twin daughters from S Korea. That is not chump change either. Fortunately they had the money and the girls, adopted weeks after birth have now both graduated from the University Of Minnesota :cursing::cursing:, one is now entering law school, and the other med school. Odds are they wouldnt have had that opportunity if they had stayed in Korea. Their "little" brother who is Mexican/Black cost nearly $20,000 as well.

It was money well spent!:star:

[Tanimaga]

I bounced around from orphanages to families after I was beaten by my mother's boyfriend a few times. Something about my 3 year old swagger just seemed to piss men off I guess.

Eventually I landed with a good older family. I don't consider them anything but my parents. There's something endearing about someone who did all that work, but didn't have to.

[NotSoAverageWife]

Well, we talked about it. Cause I can't have anymore kids. We got lucky with having 1 though. We would liked to have had a 2nd one. So its still up in the air.

I do have a black adopted brother, we are a white family. I think he did great. He is a great husband and father. I think he was rasied well in our family. Im sure not everyone would be as lucky to find such great families though.

[oki001]

With many new members to the forum since this thread was started, I was wondering if any of our new members have adopted children or have been adopted themselves (if you would like to share). Check out the OP and if you can comment on those points please do so, or if you are considering adopting.>>>>>>>>

I know my comment is coming late - but for those of you interested in adoption, there is an active adoption support group on Okinawa. You can join at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AdoptionOkinawa/

In addition, International Adoption Workshops are held on Camp Foster. Participants receive information from the US Consulate in Naha, New Parent Support, a counselor, a social worker who conducts homestudies, EFMP staff, a financial counselor, and a representative from the Okinawa Adoption Support Group. The workshop covers both international adoption and adoption from US Foster Care. You can adopt from US Foster Care while living in Okinawa.

If you want to learn more about adoption, these are both good places to start.

[TheNoNamedOne]

I know my comment is coming late - but for those of you interested in adoption, there is an active adoption support group on Okinawa. You can join at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AdoptionOkinawa/


Thanks for letting us know about that, oki001.

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*Looks like another positive thread discussion of mine.

[Oki alumni]

There is also a (very) small military "stipend" to help partially with adoptions. Check your local finance offices for this information. They MAY not know about it themselves since it's not well advertised. A Google® search will turn up the info. I actually got laughed at by some otherwise "educated" finance troops where I worked, when I brought this to light...LOL, *** I *** was accused of being "stupid" since "Uncle would NEVER do anything like THAT!"

-Oki Alumni

[Stephie098]

I would be open for adoption. I can not have any more kids (dont want anymore at the time) but noone ever knows about the future. My dad was adopted by his grandmother. It makes for some weird family tree history, but its all worked out fine.

[Bones]

I did.

2 great kids, that came with a great wife.:thumbup1:

Anyone up for adopting the rest of the family?:-|

Didn't think so.\:-)

Bones

[Navywife01]

I have a bio DD (5) and we adopted a boy at birth (we were at his birth) who is now 16 months old through a local agency and it has been a wonderful experience.

His birthparents could have parented (there is a misconception that all adopted children would have been left on the street if we didn't save them - for white DIA (domestic infant adoption) there's a long waiting list in many places, these kids don't go unplaced so we aren't "heros" in adopting them...we are blessed to be able to have them as part of our family and have the honor of raising them).

We have an open adoption which didn't start that way - they originally asked for no contact other then letters and updates and we left the door open which they have been grateful we allowed them to change their minds. I will say they did pick us because we are military and we will be moving but they are also in the point of their lives where they will be moving on and going different places so it works for everyone. His parents were young and placed him for adoption as they weren't ready to be parents and they wanted him to have a different life - nothing to do with them not being able, I think they would have done a fine job if they had changed their minds (which was never an option after their rights were terminated 13 days after his birth). Our son's birthfather just graduated #1 in his high school and plans to go on to be a Dr and his birthmom just finished her LPN schooling and is going on to nursing school -a huge misconception of birthparents is that they do drugs, they are not educated,etc.. which is actually far from the truth.

I wouldn't change my life one bit, he's such a blessing.

I'm on an adoption education rampage, sorry.

The Navy gives you $2K for adoption expenses after it is finalized and the govt give you almost $11K in adoption tax credit - still doesn't pay for the full almost $20K it costs through most agencies.

[TheNoNamedOne]

Wow. Thanks for that information and the personal story of your adopting your child, Nav.